It may not be clear to others by now but I'm pretty good at asking myself questions and asking questions for reflection with others. It's how much of the topics I write come to be. I ask myself a question and then try to answer it. It's an art that I've had to learn because the most common questions I used to ask myself as a novice were always negative questions; "why can't I be a good submissive?","why doesn't Dom like me?", "why do I keep failing/struggling?"

These were all downer questions and very negative to my self-esteem. I'm sure you have had similar questions come up in your head. Of course, that isn't going to help you much. I know it didn't help me.

To bring about the lasting change you need to get into the habit of asking yourself the right questions. The best submissives know how to ask these questions on a regular basis so that they can grow and develop in their journey. I know you can too. You'll be developing questions that get you in touch what you really want and help you with achieving it. Trust me, I have seen this in my own life.

Powerful questions not only change the way you think but also the choices you make and the actions you take to bring yourself further in your journey. When was the last time you heard a question that had you thinking, "that's a really good question," or "I never thought about it that way." If you are reading Conquer Me with us in this month's book club event you may have encountered questions just like that.

When you ask yourself new questions, be prepared for the answers. You may try to avoid the questions you don't want to hear but think about the solutions instead of the problem. Don't avoid the difficult situations - you can not grow by taking the easy path. Submission is hard work, hard internal work. We have to be able to do that work.

Here are some ideas for questions that will ensure you are going in the right direction.

• Will this choice take me towards what I truly want or will it keep me stuck in the past?
• Does doing this make me feel energized or do I feel drained?
• Am I focusing on the solution or the problem?
• If I had no choice but to make this work, what would be the first thing I would do?
• Are my current thoughts self-nurturing or are they self-attacking and critical?

There will be times when a question doesn't have an immediate answer. Treat these as a time to look deeper and really reflect to allow the answers to emerge. Bringing these questions out in the open can lead to powerful realizations and often life-changing decisions. Growth as a submissive requires a lot of internal work and asking the right questions is a positive step in your development.