Thinking back on the beginning of my exploration into submission I came to realize some simple things about submission. It's personal. So many of the websites, including Submissive Guide, try hard to define submission in terms that others can understand and hopefully identify with, but there are plenty of people who don't connect with anything on this website because their personal submission is completely different than what I know submission to be. It's these people that I'd love to connect more with and perhaps have a few guest posts from. I can't always write about just the basics of what I understand submission and it's encompassing topics to include.
And yet, I know that since my submission is personal it's likely that it has gone through some changes as I've matured and progressed in my journey. I know that I'm beginning to define myself as a submissive slave and also know that Master would like me to be a slave for him someday. Just knowing that my personal journey helps to change and mold my definition of submission is comforting. It means to me that submission will always fit.
So, when I ask you what does submission mean to you, what I'm looking for is not the regurgitated words you've heard and read from all over the place, but your own personal definition - that definition that drives you every single day to happiness and peace, to pleasure and joy. Your inner comfort and your outer happiness. Take for example a novice submissive without a good definition of themselves. They don't know what they are looking for or how to find it because they can't tell you who they are and what meaning submission has to them. We all need to take the time to really truly figure out who we are in this life.
Are we parents? What does that entail? How did we learn that? What shaped our definition? Do you think submission can form the same way?
I ask these questions not because I don't know, but to hopefully help you see that you can be your own teacher. All it takes is asking the right questions. So what are the right questions you may ask? And then I'd respond with the cliche "there are no wrong questions." And for yourself that is true. Now, the answers may not be easy to figure out, but we usually can find them for ourselves.
After all, how did you learn to ride a bike, or ask someone out on a date? Trial and error? Adjustment and practice? Believing in yourself? Confidence? All of the above?
Now we are back to submission. To figure out what your submission is like you have to figure out your likes and dislikes, your desires and needs. You have to have some idea of what your ideal world would be like if you could create it for yourself. Take a moment right now and write down what your dream would look like. Yeah, I mean now; it won't take long and it may help you.
What does that world look like? Is it full of sexual submission? Complete control? Perhaps you are dressed in a french maid's outfit all day with a gag that looks like a feather duster? All of your fantasy world ideas help to create the definition of submission that works for you.
Once you have that definition you need to own it. Live up to it, work your way toward it each and every step. I want you to empower yourself to do something about making your world better. Don't wait for someone else to do it for you, even a Dominant won't be able to help you make the submission you envision a reality without you taking the steps yourself.
I never said submission was easy and I hope you get it now that submission isn't as passive as you might expect. A lot of what I write for Submissive Guide is there to help you figure out that active submission is a valuable life skill. You don't just do whatever your Dominant tells you and nothing else. That's not the type of submission that will really fulfill you, even if your dream is to be chattel and not expected to perform any extra thinking you have to get to that place first and it takes work. Make it work.
What is submission to you? I mean really? Can you bring it to real life? Are you living your dream? Why or why not?
Do something about it, today. Don't wait for a Dominant to tell you to be their submissive. You can learn and grow in your own personal submission without the aide of someone else. I've seen it countless times. Prove to yourself that you have what it takes to be the best submissive you can be.
Thoughts to Ponder
- After reading this post, what is your definition of submission?
- Are you living your dream? How can you progress to it?
- Why do you think I said you don't have to have a Dominant to work on your submission? Is it true for you?