This essay that I wrote was first published on humbledfemales.net but has since taken on new ownership and the article was removed (not sure why). I am now sharing it here because it is good common sense!
A submissive’s best protection is her gut instinct.
Waking up the fantasies we've only held close to our hearts and seeing that they can actually be realized can be an overwhelming and often exciting experience. Oftentimes we embrace the newness of our explorations and the people we encounter as completely honest, safe and reliable. Behind the fog of the terms, and promises, sexual excitement, and pleasure our common sense gets bogged down.
All novice submissives have a moment where a lapse in judgment can happen. No one is impervious to the lures of desire and dark needs. When offered a chance to experiment or explore our new-found desires we overlook that most important instinct - our gut instinct.
What is common sense?
Common sense is paying attention to the obvious and listening to what an average sampling of people would do. We develop this sense as a teen when we push against authority, experiment with new things and sometimes get into more trouble than it was worth. Our common sense develops out of these self-taught lessons. They travel and mature and change as we grow up; refining our instincts and being fed by our morals, friendships, and partnerships.
It is true that the younger you are the less common sense you have because of the lack of experimentation. However, it has nothing to do with physical age. Maturity comes upon us at different stages in life and so a woman of 17 that is very active in life could be more mature and have a better sense of instinctual common sense than someone of 22 that has lived a more reserved life.
The immaturity we may have can also amplify the lack of knowledge of this new found pleasure in submission. We can crave a chance to be submissive, to try spanking or other play so badly that it stirs us into a frenzy. It’s all we think about, talk about and strive for. So when someone, anyone, steps into our view and says they can play with us we jump at the chance.
The problem with that is the frenzy you are feeling has submerged your gut instinct. Your rational mind is probably trying to scream at you that you shouldn't play with strangers and to not dive in feet first. But do you listen to it? No, the frenzy just makes everything sound so perfect and wonderful. Why wouldn't it be okay to taste that desire just this once? What you would perceive as dangerous when you are thinking rationally becomes perfectly normal when your desires obsess your mind.
I encourage all of you to take a step back and really think about something before you try it the first time. If the person that has come forward waits for you to realize that it’s safe and comfortable for you; that’s a good thing too. This is also recommended in established relationships where something brand new has been brought up; you think about it before you do it. Let that hunger subside a bit and see if the activity/person/event is worth waiting for. Once you know, you have just listened to your gut.
A Pinch of Salt
The Internet is full of information. A novice submissive can get lost in all the different opinions and must do’s and should have’s. There is good information and poor information. Many personal sites share only one side of things; the author’s side. It’s hard to find information that is backed by studies, references or surveys. To that end, what you want to do is take everything you read with a grain of salt. If you read something, don’t take it as common or worth believing until you've read the same thing in several different places.
A danger zone for all novice submissives are the online forums. Anywhere that people can get together and discuss things related to submission will have a lot of information for sure, but much of it is one-sided, generally censored and still reliant on personal experience and opinion. While it is possible to get a few good open minded comments, I wouldn't rely on it for much more than camaraderie.
Predators and Fakes
Predators have always existed, but since the Internet has become a popular social environment, these predators have found a safe haven to hide and stalk their prey. They prey upon the inexperienced and those not listening to their gut. They love to give you a sense of security and play with your emotions. Frenzy does not get lost on them. Predators want you to feel that you have to have an experience with them so badly you’d be willing to ignore the fact that you don’t know their name or where they are from.
Fakes are similar to predators in that they sometimes want to meet you but that’s about where the similarities lay. Fakes are people who pretend to be someone else for a variety of reasons. Some want to get you in bed because you might be kinky and adventurous and their life just isn't Others want to feel important or special and so they create an online persona that doesn't represent who they are at all in real life.The danger of these types is that they seem to like to give out advice just as much as they like pretending that they have 10 years of real experience. Advice from someone who is fake can be dangerous, which is why I recommend you always get more than one point of view on anything you know nothing about.
When you encounter a predator or fake person and your guard is down you could end up regretting what you've done, or hurt or worse. You just never know. When someone sounds too good to be true or pushes you too fast, back way and regroup. Never take someone at their word that you don’t know that well. Listen to your inner voice that usually tells you when you recognize a creep or bully.
Even in a relationship, we need to employ our common sense. Other than the dangers of abuse, which you can read about on other sites all over the Internet, your common sense can help you with emotional needs, and relationship security.
When was the last time you looked at your partner and just had to hug them; something called you to do it. Perhaps you know they have had a hard time of things lately and that bit of human contact could do a whole bunch of good for them at that time. You don’t need to analyze why your gut tells you to do things, or feel certain things about your partner but I’d listen to it more often.
Even if what it’s saying is foreboding. Not all relationships are safe and secure all the time. Hopefully, you can learn the warning signs when a relationship is in need of maintenance or something more drastic.
Our common sense is a vital part of our character. It shapes our lives and our experiences. Even as an adult you can adjust and develop your common sense so that it’s in the background or right up front for you. I’d like to encourage you to listen to your instinct whenever you can. Teach yourself to be more aware of what’s around you and how it impacts your life. It could mean the difference between a positive experience and one you regret later on.