Submission - it's hard work. For the 24/7 types it's an all the time thing. So what happens if you wake up one day and you don't feel like submitting? You could voice it as a break or get really cranky every time you are asked to perform your duties as a submissive. If you are anything like me you'll be grumpy. I get visibly angry at the world when I'm not in a mood that is conducive to submission. I can completely disregard my polite speech and regularly snip back at any comment that my Owner would say to me. These are definitely the days where I'm thinking, "Get your own damned coffee!"
If you're a submissive that never has an imperfect day in your life and you always submit no matter what, this article isn't for you. How many are still reading? Oh, right. You aren't perfect either, are you?
Well then, when you have a day where you wake up and just don't feel like following the rules, what do you do?
1. Take a Time Out
A time out does not have to be a full relationship break. Even just an hour or so on your own, practicing a hobby you enjoy, going to the mall, meeting with friends; just something that isn't D/s related can help recharge your batteries. If this includes time apart, then do that. Sometimes I just need some time on my own. I like to go to a cafe or coffee shop with my computer and just be alone. It's nice.
It's recommended that, especially in the beginning of a new relationship, you negotiate time out periods where you can be partners but not D/s partners. KnyghtMare and I are 24/7 but we have moments where the power exchange is at the bottom of the list of roles and we just are two people together. It's nice and it reaffirms your commitment beyond the D/s.
2. Talk About It
When you've reached an edge and you need to take a moment it's time to talk to your partner about it. What you need to talk about is how to prevent the need to take a break. There are ways to prevent it sometimes and you can learn about it at #3. You'll also want to talk about what ways you can take a break without isolating yourself and in ways that can still include your partner on occasion. After all, you are in a relationship.
3. Perform a Refocusing Ritual
Adding a ritual to your every day (week/month) that helps to remind you that submission is not only work but beautiful can help keep you from freaking out and needing to break away for a time. Some of the suggestions that have come my way are:
- Kneeling before bed and saying a phrase or two about the worth of your submission.
- Ritual bathing that will help you wash away all negative thoughts.
- Sitting at your partner's feet for a length of time and reflect on your place.
- Learn some yoga to help you relieve stress.
4. Let It All Out - On Paper
Sometimes the best therapy is pen and paper therapy. For this reset to work you need to be able to write freely in whatever medium you are comfortable for a length of time. What you write about doesn't matter - it's likely you won't save it anyway. If you do decide to voice your thoughts on why you need a particular reset of submission, feel free to share it with your partner. It also might be worth keeping in a journal if you find yourself writing about similar issues over and over. I tend to enjoy writing poetry when I need a break from submission. It's an excellent creative outlet.
5. Accept That You Are Human
Lastly, this one is probably going to be harder than you care to admit to yourself. We are all human and as humans we can't maintain certain roles and behaviors all the time. We need variety and changes of atmosphere. The next time you feel like breaking free or breaking something just remind yourself that even as a submissive, you have to start out as human. We all have bad days- you don't have to feel about about it.
Thoughts to Ponder
- When was the last time you felt the need to take a submissive break? What did you do about it?
- Does needing to take some time away mean you aren't really a full-time submissive?
- Do Dominants need similar breaks? Why or why not?
