Welcome back to another Define This episode from Submissive Guide. I’m lunaKM.
Safewords are a very important part of a submissive’s toolbag.
A safeword is a word or signal that ends BDSM play instantly. It can be any word that isn't a part of common play speech, so selecting 'Stop,' is usually discouraged as people tend to use stop playfully and the confusion could cause unneeded halting of a perfectly good scene. The most common safeword is the Stoplight system. 'Red' meaning stop, 'Yellow' for slow down, or a physical discomfort alarm and 'Green' means all is a go. Other safewords I have seen used are the submissive's full name, random words like, 'bananas', dropping keys and a subtle hand system that may not work in low lit situations.
A safeword is a last resort. It shouldn't be used lightly for any occasion as the consequences of playing with the safeword could be the 'Cry Wolf' syndrome. You call your safeword too many times in jest then you may find yourself without a play partner pretty quickly. No one wants to play with someone that doesn't take safety and established protocol seriously.
Whether you decide to have a safeword or not is a personal decision. For me, it was a no brainer, however, coming up with the word I wanted wasn't. I finally settled on the stoplight system and haven't had to use to use it often. It's almost a badge of play, to say that your safeword is dusty :P
Don’t let it get too dusty that you forget you have one. There are quite a few times I’ve forgotten that I can use a safeword and just “suffered” through something that I should have stopped long ago. It’s not that my Dom goes too far in those instances, but that my limit just isn’t the same that time around for one reason or another. It is my responsibility to use the tools he’s given me and that includes a safeword. He trusts that I will use it when I need to.
And that’s it! Add your thoughts on safe words in the comments below and if you have a suggestion for a future Define This episode let me know!
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