You and I are submissive. We desire to serve someone else in some way but that is about all that is common between the two of us. We are different. We see our personal submission taking separate roads; parallel perhaps, but separate. I hope that in our submission we make sure to continue to look out for ourselves and don't let submission turn us into a nameless face. A doormat.

One of the first warnings that novice submissives get amidst a group of submissives is to not be a doormat. But no one really goes into explaining what a doormat submissive is, other than the Dominant can walk all over them. How does this manifest? I'm certain that as a submissive person we don't go into a relationship looking for someone to use us up and do whatever they want without regard for our feelings and opinions. Another name for doormat syndrome is Bottom's Disease.

It can start with serving the Dominant's needs above their own, and beginning to neglect important parts of their own lives like family, friends, and work. Your personal life does not have to revolve around your Dominant. As it progresses you stop having a care for yourself, suffer loneliness and depression in some cases and lose sight of who you are as a person.

In its extreme form bottom's disease leads to acting as if one has no responsibility for one's own behavior or wellbeing, or even for one's own life, simply because one self-defines as a bottom. People with bottom's disease may believe they can't or have no right to say No, or that they should provide for a Top anything the Top wants. Bottom's disease generally reflects low self-esteem and seems to be another way to cope with insecurity and uncertainty about who one is, both internally and in the world. (Henkin PhD, William and Sybil Holiday, "Consensual Sadomasochism" pg 52)

I encourage you to look at your relationship and at those around you. Does it feel healthy? Are you lifted up more than torn down? How's your self-esteem? Does it need a boost? Do you need to redefine what submission means to you?

I want you to be happy in your submission. This isn't to say that you can't have the relationship where saying No has been revoked or that everything you do provides for the Top. But if you start to identify yourself and everything you do based on someone else, then who are you really living for?

Start to live for your wants, needs, and desires. Wake up and find what will make you happy to look at your life and know you've done something you want to do for you. Break the disease.