Contracts are a sticky subject in discussions. I've briefly covered it before in this article. The opinions are all over the place as far as their value or use as a tool for relationships. I can understand why they are a common thread in forums all over the place.
A contract is a physical document outlining the D/s relationship. At the bottom of this post I'll share an example contract that you can use to customize your own. A contract is not a legally binding document, but more of an agreement between two consenting individuals. Some are very formal and have multiple pages, others are as brief as a few paragraphs. A D/s contract is a lot like a pre-nuptial agreement.
The Arguments
One side of the argument says that a contract helps make the expectations for each party clear cut, the time frame it is agreed upon is understood and it can be renewed and modified to fit the couple as they grow together. The contract can be used to remind each other of the importance your new relationship has and a way to reconnect with the agreed upon terms.
The other side of the argument says that contracts are worthless and the two individuals involved need to be serious about the relationship without the need of a contract. If the relationship is failing a contract is just not going to resurrect it. This side also says that if the contract is discovered by the authorities you can be charged with prostitution and solicitation or worse. It has happened before, just check the news archives.
General Outline
- Petition
- Names and Roles of Parties
- Term of Service
- Rules, Duties, and Goals
- Limits
- Termination Requirements
- Signature of all Parties
An Example Contract
(This D/s contract, can be altered to suit one's needs both virtual and realtime situations. It is not a legal binding document but adds to the strength of one's relationship. It is written in the male Dominant/female submissive role, but can be easily changed.)
I, , with a free mind and an open heart; do request of , that he accept the submission of my will unto him and to take me into his care and guidance, that we may grow together in love, trust, and mutual respect. The satisfaction of his wants, desires, and whims are consistent with my desire as a submissive to be found pleasing to him. To that end, I offer him the use of my time, talents, and abilities.
Further, I ask, in sincere humility, that as my Master, he accept the keeping of my body for the fulfillment and enhancement of our sexual, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual needs. To achieve this, he may have unfettered use of my body any time, any place, in front of anyone; to keep or give away, as he will determine.
I ask that he guide me in any sexual, sensual, or scene-related behavior, both together with, and separate from him, in such a way as to further my growth as a person.
I request of , as my Master, that he use the power in his role; to mold and shape me; assisting me to grow in strength, character, confidence, and being, and that he continue to help me develop my artistic and intellectual abilities.
In return, I agree:
- To obey his commands to the best of my ability.
- To strive to overcome feelings of guilt or shame, and all inhibitions that interfere with my capability to serve him and limit my growth as his submissive.
- To maintain honest and open communications with him.
- To reveal my thoughts, feelings, and desires without hesitation or embarrassment.
- To inform him of my wants and perceived needs, recognizing that he is the sole judge of whether or how these shall be satisfied.
- To strive toward maintenance of a positive self-image and development of realistic expectationsand goals.
- To work with him to become a happy and self-fulfilled individual.
- To work against negative aspects of my ego and my insecurities that would interfere with advancement of these aims.
My surrender as a submissive is done with the knowledge that nothing asked of me will demean me as a person, and will in no way diminish my own responsibilites toward making use of my potential.
This I, do entreat, with lucidity and the realization of what this means, both stated and implied, in the conviction that this offer will be understood in the spirit of faith, caring, esteem, and devotion in which it is given.
Should either of us find that our aspirations are not being well served by this agreement, find this commitment too burdensome, or for any other reason wish to cancel, either may do so by verbal notification to the other, in keeping with the consensual nature of the agreement. We both understand that cancellation means a cessation of the control stated and implied within this agreement, not a termination of our relationship as friends and lovers. Upon cancellation, each of us agrees to offer to the other their reasons and assess our new needs and situation openingly and lovingly.
This agreement shall serve as the basis for an extension of our relationship, committed to in the spirit of loving and consensual Dominance and submission with the intention of furthering self-awareness and exploration, promoting health andhappiness, and improving both our lives.
This contract has a life of ___ (days/weeks/months/years). At it's expiration a new contract may be created and signed.
I offer my consent to submission to ,under the terms stated above on this the _____ day of ____________ in the year _____. ______________________________ signature of submissive I offer my acceptance of submission by ____________, under the terms stated above on this the _____ day of ____________ in the year _____. ______________________________ Signature of Dominant
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