When I first started exploring submission I heard and read numerous times that submission is a gift to the Dominant that accepts it. For a long time, I subscribed to this way of thinking and there is nothing wrong with thinking about your submission this way. I'm not here to tell you that you are wrong. I am hoping that I can give you a different perspective about your submission that you may not have thought about.

Back to when I was first exploring my newfound submission the magic that I felt when I submitted to someone made me believe that what I was doing was beyond the realm of normalcy. Because I felt this way when I gave over the control to someone, even for a short time, my submission was sparkly, shiny and new. I packaged it up for the man of my dreams and pledged that I would gift it to them. My submission was ready for giving.

The Gift

When it came time to give my submission to my Dominant partner there was a catch. It didn't act like a gift at all. A gift is something you give without anything expected in return. You don't give birthday gifts and expect the person to give you something back, do you? Now, with my submission all wrapped up and waiting for him to unwrap it I had to think about why it was a gift, to begin with.

In essence, it really isn't. The only reason I thought it was a gift was that of my inexperience with the whole thing. And well, I thought that once I gave my submission to the Dominant of my dreams, then he'd give me all of my fantasies and I'd live full of happiness and service. But wait, he'd have to give me something to keep the dreams going, wouldn't he?

Was Dominance going to be his gift to me? Well this never talked about when I was first exploring, submission was the only gift discussed. Oh and something about the Dominant who receives this gift is someone special and it's a precious thing to do.

The Shift

As I began my days as a submissive, living as I thought I should that gift of submission wasn't a package that the Dominant opens once and that's it. It's something you have to constantly keep rewrapping and giving over and over and over again. With each request, each playtime, each moment of every day in his service I have to submit. And carrying a precious gift of submission was getting old.

This, of course leads to a difficult time in my surrender where I questioned if I was even submissive at all. I did a lot of soul searching during this time and that's why I've come to terms with my submission and am relieved to say that submission is not a gift at all.

The gift we all think is submission is the


that make us submissive. The gift I had continued to wrap over and over again to give it with each point of service didn't need wrapping because I had surrendered myself to him, not just the behaviors that made up who I was. To word it another way the gift was in the exchange. We exchanged our commitment to each other. This made my submission and his Dominance a byproduct of that exchange. There was no gift.

The Exchange

Now my position on 'the gift of submission' is more realistic. I don't have to give my Dominant my submission as a gift because I've already gifted myself. I am living at my fullest when I use the submission within me in the dynamic exchange we have. I'm more powerful as a submissive because I have separated the idea of a gift with the approach that the exchange is more precious.

For a gift to be true, you need to expect nothing in return; and yet when you submit you expect Dominance in return. It is the exchange you really need and exactly what you need to bring to the table. Your submission is just a result of this exchange. If you do not exchange power, you are not submitting.

So before you wrap up your submission for giving, take a look at it. Is submission who you are, or what you do? How can you give who you are to someone else, when the person who needs it most is you? Gift yourself, your Dominant may thank you.