I work as a veterinary assistant which is both physically and emotionally challenging to the point that when I come home, I'm completely exhausted.  I find it very hard to serve my Dominant when this happens.  I'm just so worn out from working--I lift (sometimes wrestle!) animals all day, I'm involved in a very fast-paced job that also requires intense mental astuteness.  Plus, I'm working with patients that I'm often emotionally invested in.  When Sir comes home, he of course expects obedience and service, but sometimes I'm just so exhausted that it's a feat to not just go to bed!  I'm trying very hard, but we both feel that we're walking a very fine line in trying to keep up the D/s dynamic during these times.  Do you have advice?

Hi there,

I sympathize with your struggle. A lot of submissives work demanding jobs and then come home to submit. The challenge is that you are exhausted and need the down time in order to be able to serve. I do wonder if your Dominant is giving you the time to recover from your job before being demanding of your time.

If I assume that he's not giving you the time to recover and expects obedience as soon as you walk in the door, then perhaps you should talk to him about needing a recovery moment; time to shower, change your clothing, rest for 15 minutes and try to take off the day. In that time you could take a quick nap, meditate or just shower the stress and fatigue to a more comfortable level. You could also work to put on a more submissive-forward mindset since working in a demanding job usually means you have to suppress the subservient side of you. Talk to your partner about your concerns, if they are observant they already know you are fatigued when you arrive home and would be willing to work around that for both you to get what you need.

Now, if he is giving you time to recover, and you are really asking me how can you be obedient and serve even though you are tired; then realizing that your partner does not think you are super-human and gives you leniency when you need it because they care for your well-being. Accept that there will be times you can not perform as you wish because your job demands more from you that day than others. It's a hard lesson to learn, but we have to accept as submissives that we are not super-human and there are a lot of times we may need to take a step back and recover from whatever is overwhelming us. You can do it too.

I wish you luck,