The views in this article are mine and mine alone unless otherwise stated.
So lets start out with the definition of masturbation from the Dictionary.com:
- the stimulation or manipulation of one's own genitals, especially to orgasm; sexual self-gratification.
- the stimulation, by manual or other means exclusive of coitus, of another's genitals, especially to orgasm.
I like those definitions especially the end part where they say "especially to orgasm". Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!
A little background I started masturbating at an early age as many of you may have, not knowing what it was but just that the feeling was Ohhhh so good! A little rub here and there and the most wonderful feeling came over me. I knew that since it came from my place "down there" that I couldn't tell anyone. As I got older I found a book hidden in the basement of our family home. It was filled with the naughtiest tales from the Victorian age on sex, flogging and caning. This is how I know today that I was kinky from a young age because it totally turned me on.
As I grew older masturbation was something that I did by myself with the door locked and preferably the music or television turned up just enough so that no one could hear me or my toys or suspect what I was doing. It was a private act. Of course, I would share with friends once I found out about the Hitachi or some other vibrator that rocked my world but still masturbation was always private. Until I entered the world of D/s.
We give up many things when we enter into a D/s relationship those that I have given up I have done so freely but not without having taken baby steps. As my Sir required that I masturbate for him I was blown away, what give up my most private, and as many of us are brought up to believe, the most embarrassing thing to be caught at. I had to think about that one and try to renegotiate. Yes, I willingly put myself into his service, letting him own me and many other things but masturbation???? Well, I had to think about that one, it's never about the easy stuff, is it. If that were true there would be many more of us in D/s or M/s relationships.
For me, it was all about was I able fulfill the promise that I made to him when we signed our contract that my body was his to do with as he pleased barring a few specifics, that I was there to please him and in doing so that made me happy. Yeah, yeah I know it's sappy but true nonetheless. Did it make it any easier? NO! I'm a big girl and though I may love myself dearly being in a D/s relationship or this lifestyle does not instantly either take away all the body image issues that one builds up over a lifetime nor take a way again what most of us learned at a young age that we aren't supposed to touch ourselves.
So being with Sir and in the lifestyle while helping me to overcome some of those issues did not take them away. So what did I do? What any strong submissive would do. I sat my Sir down and had a talk with him about how difficult it was for me to masturbate in front of him let alone anyone else. Did he let me slide? Ummm No! But being able to state it and work from there definitely helped. I had to work my way from there so when it finally came time I was still embarrassed (I actually found it humiliating, but then again I am a slut for humiliation), but again this is baby steps. There's no way around it when your Sir says to do it well you do it.
I found that if I paid more attention to myself than him and closed my eyes that it helped. Yes, my face was burning red and as a black woman its hard to tell when I am blushing. Each time I gave a little more of myself, realizing that it was just the same as when we played, when we were first getting to know each other - we took it slow and so did I until that Ooooh so good feeling was about to over take me and we all know that when in the throws of an orgasm most of us could care less who saw us right up until the last quiver leaves our body. You would think once you've done it a couple times that it would become easier and it has but I still have that slight feeling of embarrassment but that just makes it even hotter.
Now, the downside of masturbation in a D/s relationship is they can tell you to stop. They can exercise their rights as your owner to tell you to stop just as its getting good. Being a private masturbater all of my life the first time this happened I think I might have lost my mind and I'm sure I said a few words that I won't repeat here and that I was forgiven for later. However, that's how it happens; they have devious minds that are why they are the partners that we choose or at least why I chose my Sir. It is definitely a new experience when once you had freedom to take it to the finish line and now you are stopped short.
Submissives, use this to your advantage, all is not lost. It only heightens what comes next or later, you are worked up into a frenzy and all you want is release and I'm sure that eventually, they will want release as well! There is a give and take in every D/s relationship and we must know how to use it. We must also remember to take from each encounter and experience with our partners what we can what we learn about ourselves and our bodies and use it to further ourselves and in my case get over that silly little bit of embarrassment that was drilled into me early on in life that I now know should never have existed.
So I'm off to do what all good girls do.....sleep! You thought I was off to masturbate. Pervs!