from the Submissive Guide Newsletter 6/20/15
I know for myself, some of the most embarrassing things my Dominant has asked me are actually quite tame. One of the early ones was masturbating in front of him. Sure I'd been doing it on camera for him for months but having him sit there in the room, within touching distance, was a whole new world of nerves. But it doesn't have to be that way and I've learned to embrace this part of my sexuality as no longer a taboo secret but something shared and very hot. Especially hot for him, but really hot for me because I see what it does to him. Don't you want to drive your partner wild too?
So what is it about watching a woman masturbate that gets men so stirred up? Guys are voyeurs. They feast off of what they can see and if it's sexual in nature they get a real thrill from it. From a young age, boys are caught trying to peek into the girl's shower room, looking for porn magazines, stealing their mother's lingerie catalogs. It's all about seeing the female form being sexy and hopefully naked. It goes without explanation then that men love to watch women masturbate.
In fact, "one psychological cue for arousal in men is female sexual pleasure," says computational neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam in a Time article on pornography. Which is probably why girl on girl porn is the highest marketed variety with solo female masturbation a close second. Just look at the free porn sites out there, the majority of the clips are solo women or two women. Men watching women having sexual pleasure is a huge turn on. With that, let's figure out how we can break down our own walls of fear, embarrassment, shyness and poor body confidence to become their favorite source of this material, shall we?
What's Stopping You?
Let's face it; we learn from a young age that either masturbation is taboo or a sin or that it should be done in private and no one must know. As those of us who enjoy masturbation, we learn ways to not get caught, hide it from our partners and enjoy it only alone (often in a dark room under the covers). It's very clear that for us to share masturbation with another we'll have to embrace this very sexual act as normal and healthy acceptable behavior.
Shyness and embarrassment are a common affliction; especially with women. It's wonderful when you see a confident woman enjoying herself and you too can be more confident.
Body insecurities are prevalent with everyone. Once you realize that your man isn't picking apart your flaws like you do and it thoroughly enjoying watching you it can free you to feeling better about yourself. He's with you. He's having sex with you. Your body isn't turning him off. It's quite the opposite. While I can't give everyone the body confidence necessary in just this one post, why not try some of these links to help you find your sexy self.
Also, if you are really shy there's a great book out there that will definitely help you. It's called Exhibitionism for the Shy by Carol Queen and I highly recommend it. If you'd like to know how I felt about it after I read it, check out the review!
How It Helps Your Sexual Relationship
I bet you didn't think there would be any benefits to masturbating for your Dominant, did you? Well there's always good things that can come out of trying something new; even if the activity is "old hat" to you, it's new to him watching you!
- Sharing masturbation time will strengthen the intimacy you have with each other. Since this is usually a private activity, making it a shared one says you trust them with your whole self and that your pleasure is worth sharing.
- He'll learn how you like to pleasure yourself and perhaps pick up a few tips! Men are visual creatures, if you haven't noticed already. The love to see what's going on. So when you show them how you masturbate they are going to stand up and pay attention. Literally!
- Exploring this side of yourself with an audience can help you figure out even more about yourself and your sexuality. You'll be more aware of what you are doing and how you are doing it so you can help your partner get you off when it's their turn.
- If your sex life has been a bit blah for a while, this is definitely a way to spice it up! And there are so many ways you can show off to your partner that he'll never get bored. Not that THAT was a danger anyway.
Ideas for Your First "Show"
Your Dominant partner will find nothing quite as sexy as you giving him a real solo scene of your very own, and has likely requested that of you. Here are a few tips for putting on a show just for him.
- Make sure you feel good. This is more about you than him, but if you’re feeling awkward and shy you’re not going to come across as a liberated sex goddess. And you know that liberated sex goddess' are all confident women! Have a bubble bath, a glass of wine, put on some sexy music, read some erotica –whatever gets you in the mood.
- Put on some sexy lingerie. Again this is more about you than him as he probably won’t care what you’re wearing at this point, but treat both him and you to some nice silky or lacy number that makes you feel sexy, brave and adventurous. To up to naughty factor you could select something see-through or crotchless.
- If you want to do a little foreplay action first, give him a slow and sexy lap dance. Pour oil on yourself, caress your breasts, tell him not to touch you. You’ll feel powerful, and he’ll be ridiculously turned on.
- Take your time touching yourself. No one knows how to touch yourself as well as you and if he pays attention he will pick up a few tips.
- Don't be afraid to use your favorite toy. Use a vibrator or dildo on yourself if it helps you to orgasm or you are feeling daring.
- If you or he would rather he was more involved, have him talk dirty to you, put his hand over yours so he can feel how you do it, or have him caress your breasts at the same time. Or he can return the favor by masturbating as well.
- You could also use the shower to help you give a good show. I recommend getting a clear, see through shower curtain. Then have him sit and watch you shower one day. Soap up your breasts really good, and the rest of your body too. Use your hands and fingers in blatantly sexual ways, to entice him more. Drop the soap, so that you need to turn around and bend over seductively to pick it up. Then you could use the shower head to bring yourself to orgasm, or you could simply hike up your leg and let him watch you masturbate with your fingers.
- If you are terrified or extremely shy you can always cover your body with a sheet or blanket and pretend no one is in the room. Covering your face or using a blindfold helps with the illusion. Then, as you feel more comfortable, slowly reveal your body from your toes up, like you are raising the curtain. The main event will come into view eventually and all the while he'll see your hand working under the covers and teasing him like crazy! Just don't forget to raise the curtain before you are done. The main event is the best part!
If you really don’t feel comfortable doing this in front of your Dominant, there are other ways to introduce this into your sex life:
- Take photos of you touching yourself and email them to him. If you are afraid of them being used elsewhere, look into Snapchat.
- Record a short video of yourself masturbating and send it to him. Ditto using Snapchat if you want them deleted instead of saved.
- Masturbate over the phone and let him hear you orgasm.
- Touch yourself during sex.
These are just a few of the ideas for making masturbation, whether requested by your Dom or not, a hot and intimate time for both of you. I hope you've picked up a few tricks for your next show and relax! He'll enjoy the entertainment and you will definitely begin to bring our your sexy confident self.
Thoughts to Ponder
- Have you masturbated for your partner? How did you feel about it? If you haven't, are you considering it now that you've read this article? Why or why not?
- What do you think about your Dominant masturbating in front of you? Does it work when the tables are turned also? How does it make you feel?
- What other ways can you think of to share masturbation with your partner to add to these ideas?