Falling in love is easy, so is falling out of love-especially when it is the love of a toy.  One of the assignments that I assign to the people I mentor involves this occurrence.   When I came into the lifestyle, I had two main loves-rope and floggers.  To me, there was nothing better than getting to play with one or both of these items.  Floggers were always a favorite because the rhythmic heavy thud was like a massage to me.  It was wonderful.  I loved it so much that I was the first living, breathing, responsive bottom for more than one person who was ready to flog someone, not something.   Rope had the same love for me.  It was like a puzzle and there were a lot of times that I would stealthily slip out of the ties only to realize that I had gone too far and suddenly needed to hide the fact that I was actually unbound.

That was almost five years ago.  And a lot can change in five years.

As my comfort level grew, so did my desire to experience new things.  I tried things that I had never expected to even attempt, much less enjoy.  I took rope bondage to a new level and tried suspensions.  And, despite a less than stellar first flight, I tried it again less than a year later, with a much more experienced top and soared in a way that could have easily lulled me to sleep.  To enhance flogging, I tried fire flogging with a very well respected top whose knowledge of fire is pretty deep.  In doing so, I found a different version of flogging that was oddly relaxing and exhilarating at the same time.  I did not replace my loves, they just evolved a little bit.  They grew as I was growing.

There is a pretty extensive list of things that I have tried that easily became my new favorite "loves."  And all of them are things that I would have marked as a "no" on my initial BDSM checklist.  Artistic cuttings and blood play for example.  I was stunned at how very erotic each of these can be-obviously I am a great deal more selective in my top for these activities.

The favorites I have changed for me as the friendships became stronger, as I became more confident and as time peeled back the many layers of this world.   This evolution of loves has never ceased to intrigue me.  So, the people I mentor now must complete an assignment where they pretend that they are allowed to have one implement and only one forever.  Conversely, they are allowed to banish one implement as well.  After a year, it is interesting to revisit this assignment to see just how their thoughts have changed about what they love and what they hate.

It is always nice to see how far we have come in our journeys.  I hope that each of you might consider doing your own version of this assignment.  Or, even better, do your BDSM checklist over.  Compare it to where you were when you came into the lifestyle.  Then do it again in a year.  I bet that you have more than a few changes yourself.