This is a six-part series all about experiencing play from the right side of the slash. It is intended to be a helpful guide for you to push yourself further in your play, to experience new things, to open your mind and body to new sensations.
I want to briefly mention safety in the beginning here. Risk Aware Consensual Kink. Whether you are a newbie to all of this or decades deep into your BDSM path, remember to be aware of the risks associated with this type of play, to be sure you are playing with a partner that you can trust, and never hesitate to use an agreed upon safe word if you’d like the play to change or stop.
That said, let us dive into this part of the series:
Like spanking? Try flogging…
Basics of spanking:
Spanking is another starting point for many people entering the BDSM arena because it is so simple (seeming) and if using your hand pretty difficult to spank your way to injury. It is where I personally began. I will never forget the first intentional bend over the bed for spanking. It was so different than the during sex spanking while being thrusted. The spanking was the star of the show, the intention. It was power being exchanged. I was being bare handed onto bare-assed spanked. It lit my soul on fire.
Though it seems simple, there are many considerations one can make when starting spanking:
- Positions and posture.
This can be just as sexy as the spanking itself if you take the time. Whether it is being set up in a comfortable position or an intentionally uncomfortable one, whether it is a planned scene on a spanking bench or bed versus being told to grab your knees or ankles, the arrival at the place of spanking can be a great start to a scene.
-Strength of spanking.
As submissives, it is critical that we communicate this with each new Top (and often when you have a regular Partner) on the strength of spanking. Each bottom is different. Everybody will have a different reaction. If you like it harder, say so. If it is too much, say so. Don’t forget, we all have a voice. http://www.submissiveguide.com/2015/08/finding-your-submissive-voice-speaking-up-vs-speaking-out/
Spankings can be used in a number of ways to create a number of endless scenes. Add a blindfold and create anticipation. Create a “fun-ishment” scenario and pay penance. Try an over the knee (OTK) spanking for an intimate moment. It can be hard and angry and cold. It can be the most romantic night of your life. It is all up to the people involved.
Don’t forget to ask for a warm up! It is so helpful to making the most out of the scene.
Spanking can involve hands, paddles, and any number of household devices or “pervertibles” (http://www.submissiveguide.com/2012/03/diy-toy-instructions-online/). Some of our favorites are household items like a wooden spoon, small cutting board, and belts.
Spanking can be loud. Tough to do in a bedroom while others sleep at night. The Mister and I often save our loudest paddles and spanking implements for a night on the town to a play party or dungeon.
Why and how to add flogging?
Flogging is one of the most standard of BDSM impact tools and a great next step for those looking to take things to the next level. Floggers are a type of whip, but unlike what most people picture as a whip (one fall, like a bullwhip) floggers have multiple falls or “ends” that hang off for spanking. Unlike traditional whips, floggers are much easier to wield and use without much training. There are plenty of places online for Tops to learn the basics.
For us, as s-types, I’d suggest trying out flogging in a pretty “educational” scene at first. Wear jeans or slacks, have the lights on, just feel the flogging and give advice or guidance. Once you and your Top have a good understanding of what feels good (or doesn’t), plan out/negotiate your first sexy flogging scene.
This is a natural transition for those interested in impact play. Enjoy learning your body, discovering whether it is “stingy” or “thuddy” that gets you hot and bothered, and remember, communication is key to an amazing experience.
Begging for even more?
Once you’ve tried spanking and loved it, flogging and loved it, it’s time to try out the incredible world of whips. Requiring great skill and care, a whip scene for me can’t be beat. It is so precise and controlled, so able to pinpoint those pieces that make you shiver.
Additional Submissive Guide/Dominant Guide reading on the topics at hand:
Give us some feedback in the comments to continue the discussion! Have you ever tried these types of play? How is your experience similar or different? If somebody is interested in spanking, what else would you suggest they try out? What other play would you like to incorporate?