Rarely have I heard of an end of a relationship being good, civil yes, but good? Yet I have heard on numerous occasions that relationship ends can be bad and others very bad. What makes some of these horrible is the immaturity of the people involved and what that causes them to do.

I have been lucky to only experience a civil, almost mutual break up when I left my ex-husband. We even helped each other pack and divided the furniture calmly- without argument. That rarely happens anymore and I'm grateful that we can now even respect each other's choices and wish each other well.

So when I talk about the bad break up situations in today's article, it will be purely on other people's stories and experiences shared that I develop my thoughts and opinions. It doesn't mean my advice is any less valid, but do weigh it as coming from someone who has only looked on as relationships fail miserably.

If you have ever Googled "break up gracefully" you will be bombarded with information from sources saying there is a graceful way to break up, but I highly doubt any break up is really graceful. I have been sent many sad missives by submissives who have broken with their Dominants in some way and now they are being attacked, their name smeared and ridiculed online or in the local community for no other reason than they are hurt from the breakup.

Firstly, these attacks are immature calls for attention and should not be feed. Don't reply to them no matter how they egg you on. If they go to online communities and continue to try to elicit a response from you, the graceful thing to do is to ignore him there too.  You could bring your concerns about their posts to the administrator but don't address the attacks in the discussion thread.

Many of these attacks that I've seen online it is plain to see that this is a libel (slander is spoken, libel is written - thanks Gozer) attack and that the person it just doing it to be cruel. It rarely has any impact on my non-existent impression on the other anonymous person the attack seems to be about.

Honestly, the idea that you can be graceful in this situation almost equates to being mature. Resorting to online attacks is just immature and childish. Feeding them is also childish, which is why I recommend you just let them be - it really doesn't matter how horrible this person is or what they are saying about you.

I do think that you can handle yourself after the breakup in a more graceful manner no matter how the pain of the relationship affects you emotionally. Step away from it and handle the emotions of a broken heart, get support from friends and heal. Grieve and then move on. If you need an end of the relationship ritual, then create one. Offer up mementos to the fire, a la Friends, or use your own ideas.

The most graceful thing you can do at the end of a bad break-up is to not let it consume you. Let hope back in and continue looking for happiness. It is out there.

Thoughts to Ponder

  • Have you ever been on the receiving end of some malicious online attacks? What did you do? How was it handled by the administrators?
  • How do you recover from a break-up? Do you have an ending ritual?

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