I have this habit whenever I read something that has hyperlinks in the article, I tend to open those hyperlinks. This causes me to usually have anywhere from 10-20 tabs open in my browser. But anyways, I was reading something and it led me to a website. At the same time, I was reading the book Poly Circuits by Raven Kaldera. Something that was said in this online article caught my eye and caused me to do a little page flipping in the book, because it had reminded me of something I had read earlier.

The quote from the website, dennisnajee.blogspot.com and the article Total Power Exchange :

In the end, is there a BDSM relationship without an exchange of power? I dont believe so. It is the one aspect that is fundamental to this way of life. Those who are seeking to maintain equality arent entering into the BDSM lifestyle. Instead, I think they are simply seeking to add some kink to their lives. This is a far cry from living a life with the exchange of power as a central theme. Total exchange of power is at our core.

The quote from Raven Kaldera’s book, Poly Circuits:

The BDSM demographic is an enormous umbrella over a huge diversity of people. There’s no way to generalize about any of us except to say the way we conduct either the context or the activities themselves of our love lives is considered to be outside the norm. Most BDSM people are in it for the kinky sex and there’s nothing wrong with that. Some of those folks play with power dynamics as part of a scene, but everyone involved knows that it’s not serious. A smaller number are serious about it while it’s happening, but keep it well boundaried inside the bedroom.

Both of these quotes say completely different things as to what it means to be a part of the BDSM lifestyle. Each of these individuals are allowed to have their opinion on the subject and I’m not saying one opinion is right or wrong. I will say though that I have to disagree with Dennis Najee’s opinion. And that’s okay because there will be some readers out there who agree with him and disagree with what Raven Kaldera has to say. And again, that’s okay because everyone is entitled to have their opinion.

When I was reading Poly Circuits, I highlighted(one of the things I LOVE about ebooks!) the above quote and took a screenshot so I could find it easier. It stuck with me that much. After I read the Kaldera quote, it got me thinking. A lot of people do think for an individual to be in a BDSM relationship, that a power exchange dynamic is required. It’s easy to see why people think that. A lot of information when it comes to BDSM does tend to be about power exchange relationships. But BDSM isn’t just about power exchange. It also includes sadists and masochists, the rope bunnies, the spankos, those who are into pet and pony play. All of those things don’t require being in a power exchange relationship. Even the BDSM Wikipedia page states BDSM is a variety of erotic practices involving dominance and submission, roleplaying, restraint, and other interpersonal dynamics and BDSM is used today (2015) as a catch-all phrase covering a wide range of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures. 

I feel that sometimes as a community we forget that there is more than power exchange involved in BDSM. While there may be a lot of people who practice BDSM who are involved in power exchange relationships, we can’t forget and exclude those who aren’t into power exchange.