I didn't always consider myself a slave with protocol. I've been with KnyghtMare for over 10 years and it's been a journey of discovery the whole way. The idea of protocol and ritual to enhance our relationship came about in fits and starts, in small suggestions and ideas but it has grown. And that's the best way to go about making changes to your dynamic that could be the best thing you've ever done.
Small changes allow for seeing what will work and what won't before being overwhelmed with a lot of things to remember. You can't really identify what went wrong when you've just added 10 new rules and just as many protocol additions. But when you've added just one or two things and have found something that doesn't fit well, you can easily pinpoint it, discuss it together and then change or remove it. Trial and error works best this way.
For KnyghtMare and I, some of the protocol we do was suggested by me and enhanced by him. I'd read something in a blog or discussion forum and bring it to his attention that I wanted to try it out. He'd either agree or disagree with it. If he agreed then we'd discuss how it would work for us and what it would look like. Nothing was ever decided willy-nilly.
For example, you likely have already read about my ritual surrounding fetching his coffee (need link), but I have another protocol that has developed over time as well that has become one of our favorites.
KnyghtMare's office is off limits for me. It's his space. So I wanted to make it special when I did enter. It started out simply as knocking and asking to enter. I couldn't cross the threshold without his permission. After some time, he added that I had to be dismissed too. So I am to stand at attention until he says, "you are dismissed." He remembers most of the time, but sometimes I am left standing while he continues whatever he was doing. I've been known to clear my throat to get his attention. But I'm also one to forget he has dismissed me already and continue standing there - distracted by what he's doing on the computer or watching on TV. Neither of us are perfect but when it works, it feel right.
Later, we added something new. It seemed silly that if he called me into his office to fetch something that I ask to enter after I've already been given permission so with that in mind we came up with me bowing from the waist at the threshold; acknowledging he's given me permission already and still showing respect for his private space. A couple of times he's mentioned that is his favorite part and wishes he had a mirror to watch behind him when I do that. Perhaps his next office will be oriented in a way he can see the door, just for that purpose.
As you can see from my example, the protocol took something simple; entering a room, and made it unique and more formal. It made it special to us. We also didn't start with something complex and hard to remember. That's the beauty of it. Protocol isn't lovely to see because it's complex, it's lovely to see because it takes something so simple and makes it special.
Videos and Posts about Protocol on Kink Academy (affiliate links)
Ideas for D/s Protocol: Sexy and Pragmatic by Sinclair Sexsmith - Sinclair Sexsmith talks more about the idea of a healthy D/s relationship in regards to setting up protocols. They start with the sexy in this clip, such as lingerie, erotic talismans, and the like.
- What’s the best way to implement a new ritual or task into a D/s relationship? Sinclair Sexsmith breaks it down for you in this clip. The process involves a trial period, a check-in, and then more evaluation to make sure that the new protocol is nurturing the power exchange dynamic and also can be sustained.
- There are many different traditions of protocol and Princess Kali is here to share some of the ‘Kink Academy Standards’ including; tone of voice, addressing a Dominant, and phrases to use to communicate with-in the ‘scene’. These protocols are a good starting point for both submissives and Dominants to establish a more personalized standard.
What simple actions do you do that you could make special? Think about it for a moment and then share it in the comments, I'd love to know what you come up with!