I am bi-sexual, and I have been ever since I can remember.

When I was young I obviously didn't know the way I felt were the first signs of bi-curiosity because the roots of things are never clear back at the time and only make sense much later on!

My first experiences

Not long after I had met my ex Dom he had asked what my feelings towards playing with other girls were, since (funnily enough) the idea of two girls playing with each other floated his boat. Fortunately for me, I had always been curious but hadn't acted on my feelings beforehand. Until about 10 years ago I was very sheltered and hadn't had very many partners or anything like that. I didn't lose my virginity till I was 20 and just the thought of acting on what I thought were unusual feelings scared me a little but of course totally turned me on!

Around the time I discovered what BDSM was (via chat rooms and the Internet) I had been talking to a Dom-sub couple of about my age. I had seen pictures of the female half of the couple and was very attracted to her. I'd been talking to them a year or so and had moved in with my ex Dom when he suggested we invite them up to go to a fetish club with us and then see what happens after that. I'm not sure I can really explain how nervous I was about the thought of meeting this woman that I had fantasized about for so many months.  Anyway, they came.

We took them to the local fetish club as planned, and she was wearing a beautiful white corset, pink skirt, and white shoes. This is how much I fancied her that I can remember more or less every detail as though she was standing here. Though I don't remember much about me! The resident bondage expert insisted on tying us together, which in my head just felt totally bizarre since I hadn't even kissed her yet, and there she was...pressed right up against me. We had loads of those sort of little moments where...someone needs to make the first move but is maybe slightly embarrassed...or unsure...well you know those moments before the first kiss. So we didn't kiss at the club as it turned out. But back later at the flat, the play continued and I finally got to kiss her. It was amazing, so gentle and so perfect and worth waiting for and was definitely me convinced that I was bi-sexual.

We didn't have sex. Not the first time and I'm glad about that since I think 'doing it' on the first meeting is wrong. I want to know that I am into the person enough to want it and that they're into me!

I had quite a few other experiences after that, and for a good while whenever I did stuff with girls it was just 'playful exploration' rather than D/s. However gradually I experienced D/s with women too.

Serving Dominant Women

Whilst I would sometimes put myself under the 'switch heading', I've always been more submissive than dominant, I'm just wired that way and, after realizing I liked playing with women I really wanted to know what it was like to serve one.

My first chance came when one of the Mistresses that I knew invited me to her place. She had asked specifically that I wear a dress and nice lingerie, stockings, and heels. I went over there totally nervous!

When I got there she wasn't there but had left me a note asking me to undress down to just my lingerie and kneel in the hall waiting for her. She'd also left me a blindfold which she'd wanted me to put on.  I am not really sure how long I was kneeling for her with her watching, until she came up to me and bent down and caressed me, kissed me, and led me into the living room. Since I couldn't see, everything felt enhanced and extremely magnified and erotic.

She kept me blindfolded most of the time, teasing me with clamps and bondage and putting me over her whipping bench and hitting me. After beating me into submission, she lead me over to the sofa and had me wait for her. She came back wearing her strap-on and taught me how to pleasure her. It was very tender, loving and romantic.

It totally met up with the fantasy of how I thought being submissive to a woman would be.

Though women can be strict and sadistic as well! Maybe this is because they know each others' bodies better, they know where everything is and how hurting it or teasing it will feel.

This girl has had some amazing experiences at the hands of other women, but not so much recently since I've ended up with Grimly they seem not to want to come close! Also, his skills in dominating me would be hard to beat. There are some women out there that I think could match him in his skills as a Dom but they are most likely to be way out of my league!

Me as a dominant

Since I've been with Grimly I've not had very many opportunities to be dominant with other people since I enjoy what I do as his submissive way too much! However, I have had the chances here and there.

When I am in control of someone else I try and be like that mistress was with me. Or I'd like to think I am. To me, D/s with another woman should be gentle and romantic but with the ability to transform into the strict and severe.

It's very important to me know that any sub I play with feels safe and cared for. But at the same time, I want them to feel on the very edge and feel as though their fantasies are met.

The problem is, whenever I dominate someone (on a regular basis anyway) I always get too attached - that's the danger - of falling in love, and things get complicated. So I really would only recommend involving other girls in a very very stable relationship.

How this fits with being submissive to a man?

Some Doms do have the fantasy of their submissive being involved with other women, regardless of whether it's in a sub or domme role.

I have come across Doms who have asked me to get involved with their sub when I've known full well that the sub in question has not been really keen on it and still has hurdles to cross in feeling comfortable with the idea. Therefore, I do not have much time for Doms that insist on forced bisexual or on women who are trying to get over their limit of 'playing with women'.

Maybe it's just me but I have this need to feel wanted and desired. I have that with Grimly, but if I play with others I want them to make me feel like that too.  Not because it is a requirement of their man that they do it.

I don't ever want to feel I'm' involved in someone being forced into a BDSM act that they are not entirely comfortable with and to me forced bi is exactly that. You are either bi sexual (or maybe curious) or you're not. Whilst I can see someone wanting to do it to please their man, I think what often gets missed is the feelings of the third person you are asking to get involved.

I suppose all I'm saying is that playing with other girls can be great, but it works the best when everyone wants it to happen. Not just 2 out of the 3. I think there needs to be an attraction too, in whatever form it takes whether it's physical or something else or that added x factor. For me I enjoy it the most when I play with someone who I consider a friend and who I am comfortable with, so I think my advice for anyone wanting to explore this is that it's best to find a good friend first and see where it goes if an attraction develops just like any other relationship.

photo by historic.brussels