When I say “boss” what I really mean is “in control of some part of your life.” So maybe you own your own business. Maybe you’re a team leader or supervisor. Hell, maybe you’re a single parent raising a kid or two, working two jobs, and basically being two people. Whatever “boss” means to you, it’s a legitimate thing.

So, back to the original question. Can you be the boss of something and a submissive?

Well, I own my business, work for myself, am in total control of my career, make all my own business decisions...and I’m very submissive. One friend of mine is a high-level career woman with a title that starts with “Chief” though she’s not the CEO, and she’s a fairly happy baby girl. Plenty of other submissives are high-powered executives, in control of children all day (as much “control” as you can have with kids), make life or death decisions, and would not be considered by anyone in their vanilla life to be very submissive at all.

This doesn’t apply to every submissive out there, but I haven’t met one yet who didn’t have some part of their life that they directly controlled. Frankly, some of the healthiest (and most stubborn) submissives I know are really independent.

For those in-charge, controlling, decision-making people who recognize that they’re submissive, it’s not that you can or will (or should) submit to just anyone. We submit to the person who earns our trust and confidence. They prove they have our back, have our best interests at heart, respect the realms where we have control and are proud of what we accomplish on our own, without their help. Some of the best Dominants I know love the fact that their submissive doesn’t need them - they choose them, they want them, they serve them, but these submissives can handle their life on their own if they had to.

(As a submissive, I say I need my partner because the depth of our relationship is such that if he were gone, I’d be missing a limb, a part of my heart, and a piece of my mind.)

Frankly, I’ve done the single mom, work two jobs, keep kids fed, and build a career thing on my own. If something happened to my relationship tomorrow I would be devastated (see above), but I know I can take care of myself by myself. I don’t want to, but I can. Submissives, not just me, look for the person who shows they can handle us - that they want to handle us.

We need a soft place to land. After a day (or a week or a month) of constantly making decisions, leading the way, being in control, and handling some part of my life, there is nothing better than handing over the power and control to the one who can give me what I need.

Releasing control looks different for all of us. Sometimes I can hand it over easily, thankful someone will take the reins for a little while. Sometimes, I need him to take control through rough handling, strict rules, or that commanding tone, some of you know the one I’m talking about - the Dom Voice.

If you think you’re too controlling, too bossy, too independent to be a submissive, even though you yearn for it, you may not have met the person who can dominate you the way you need.

And if you’re intimidated by a submissive who doesn’t need you on every single level, maybe you’re talking to the wrong submissive.

I spent most of my adult life thinking I was “too much” for potential partners. Too intimidating because I was such a take charge person. Too needy because once I fell, I fell hard. Too loud. Too this. Too that. In reality, like everyone else, what I needed was the partner who could handle me and loved the parts of me that were “too much” for all the others.

So for all my fellow submissives who feel the need to serve and submit deep inside you, but you worry you can’t do it or you’re somehow not submissive enough, take it from a bossy, controlling, OCD business owner - yes, you can be the boss and a submissive, with and for the right Dominant.