Hi.  My slave and I are going to a dungeon together for the first time.  I'm wondering about how she should talk.  She has rules for talking with me.  But not for talking with others in the community.  I know she should be respectful to all.  But how should she address other Masters and slaves?  I want her to be able to socialize with other slaves.  Does she just talk however she chooses with other slaves?  Are there some suggested rules or a protocol for a slave to engage in conversation at a dungeon?  Thank you.

Hi there! Going to a dungeon party is an exciting step into the social atmosphere of the BDSM community. It often leads to a lot of questions about what to expect and how to act around others so your question is definitely one on many people's lips.

How a submissive talks to others is subjective to what the Dominant requires. As a comfortable baseline, be respectful and polite. Treat them like anyone else you've just met. Use the names they offer, and if they haven't offered one, ask them what their name is. This goes for Dominants and submissives.

You should not be expected to abide by anyone else's protocol before you know what it is. So saying hello and being friendly is always welcome. If someone is on restrictions for the night they will tell you. Every single relationship has different levels of protocol and expectations but each one appreciates politeness and respect. So, feel free to introduce yourselves and if your submissive has a desire to chat and get to know other submissives I'm sure she'll have every available avenue to do so.

If there is a party-wide protocol you should find that out before you attend. Some places have clothing rules, play rules and social rules so make sure you know them so you can be ready to follow them.

A few common sense things to keep in mind:

  • Don't strike up conversations in the play area. Do your talking in the social area. Extra chatter can disrupt scenes and it is disrespectful.
  • Don't talk to couples who have just finished playing. Let them come down, take care of any aftercare and come back to the world. Once they look like they are mingling again you can compliment the play or converse with them.
  • Don't touch. Anything. Dungeon parties particularly are places that people are very protective of what belongs to them, including their partners. So, before you hug or shake hands, ask.
  • Remember this is still a party, even if play is going on, so socialization is an attraction for many people who don't play in public. There will be people to get to know and will welcome striking up a conversation!