Every December as the holidays wane, we start thinking about New Year’s resolutions and ways to make our lives better.  The New Year is a fresh start and optimism is contagious.  For submissives, though, resolutions mean so much more.  Frankly, I've decided that the world would be a better place if everyone had a Dom/me to help make sure that daily and short/long-term goals come to fruition.  Given that submissives and slaves have their feet to the fire when it comes to following through, it’s important to carefully consider potential resolutions and goals.  Discussing them with your Dom/me is a good first step.

Most people have resolutions about exercising more and getting rid of vices.  Many slaves and submissives have the same resolutions, and we get the added benefit of having someone crack the whip (sometimes literally) when we start to fall off the wagon.  It’s also very common for kinky folks to have a few kinky goals.  The most important thing to remember is that if you’re in a D/s or M/s relationship when you throw down the gauntlet and put your resolutions out there, you will be expected to follow through with them

Sometimes you don’t realize that you need help accomplishing a goal.  I remember having a conversation with Sir about attending grad school.  It was early in our relationship and we had stumbled upon the subject one night.  He wanted to know why I hadn’t gone to grad school when the opportunity was right in front of me.  This is a question I had been asked many times before, and so I had a well-rehearsed reply.  Sir stopped me immediately and said he heard me making excuses.  If grad school was something I wanted to do, I needed to make it happen and he would be there to make sure I followed through.  It was immediately clear to me that my reply was indeed chock-full of excuses, and I needed to either do it or forget about it.  What mattered most to me was that Sir helped me form a plan and he held me to it.  It was at this moment that I realized that my submission could also me a useful tool to help me accomplish things in my life that needed a little push.

Having someone to keep you honest about your goals is incredibly valuable.  Just as a coach will help guide you, having a Dom/me or Master will give you an edge with your goals.  I’m always mindful of my Dom in everything that I do.  Recently Sir helped me with my longtime addiction to soda.  I said I wanted to stop drinking as much as I did, and so Sir said: “then stop drinking it.”  He granted me one day each week to drink soda, and I’ll admit that it drove me nuts the first week not to drink soda, but the thought of having to admit to Sir that I failed was reason enough to follow through.  Talk about motivation!  What I learned from this is that once I made the declaration that I wanted to stop, and once Sir mandated it, there was no turning back.  It was no longer my decision.  That said, make sure that your goal is something that you’re ready to accomplish (or work towards).

With these things in mind, you might be wondering where to start.  Here are some tips:

  • Be realistic:  Don’t set yourself up for failure.  If you haven’t done any exercise since high school then a goal of running five miles daily is not a good idea.  Not only is it not realistic, but it’s not safe.
  • Have a plan and measurement tools:  Talk to your Dom/me or Master about setting up incremental goals to achieve your bigger goal, with measurement tools to help you along the way.   If you want to run your first half marathon, have short-term goals to run a 5K, 10K, and then a half marathon.  Having a plan will prevent you from feeling overwhelmed later on.
  • Challenge yourself:  As a submissive or a slave, being pushed out of comfort zones is par for the course.   You should think of one or two goals that make you nervous but in a good way.
  • Create categories, and keep things balanced: You don’t want to be overwhelmed by having a dozen fitness/diet resolutions.  To keep things manageable, create categories and have a few goals in each one.  For example, you might lump fitness and diet goals under  Personal Goals, getting up early and being less obsessed with your smartphone under  Professional Goals, and learning how to give massage to please your Dom/me or Master under  Submissive Goals.   Aim for 2-3 goals within each category.

Once you have identified potential goals for yourself, think about ways that your Dom/me or Master can help you achieve your goals.  Remember, you’ll have a higher chance of staying on track with your resolutions if you work with your Dom/me or Master.  I suggest that you discuss with your Dom/me or Master the different ways s/he can help you achieve your goals.

For those of you who are single, you might be wondering how goal-setting without a Dom/me or Master can work for you.  Think of it as a form of training in preparation for your new Dom/me or Master.   Once you have established your goals, work on them every day while keeping in mind that you’re not just doing this for you.  You are getting yourself ready for the person who is going to own you in the future, and that person will appreciate (and expect) that you can keep yourself in line.

Make sure you document your goals and chart your progress in your Training Resume.  If you don’t have a Training Resume, then reading Submissive Guide’s  Beginning Your Training Resume should be at the top of your list of goals.

Have you used your submission to help achieve goals?  Do you have any goals for 2014 that you’d like to share?  Post your comments below!