Approaching your friends with something as private and sensitive as your sexual interests or lifestyle ideas may be a decision you have to make sooner or later the further you get into your kinky habits. Your friends are your support system in all other ways of your life, but are they able to handle the new information you are thinking about giving them? Can you live with yourself if you lose said friend because they think you are too 'out there'?

These are valid questions to think about before you go broaching the subject on your next phone call or visit. Wrestling inside with the new feelings and experiences that you are exploring can make you want to shout it from the rooftops that you are kinky and happier with life than you have been in a long time. But this isn't the moment to do that. There's too much at stake. Even with how out I am with most people, there are several that I could never share my kinky side with.

Each friend we have will take this news differently. We'll look at both sides of the coin; should we tell that friend or should we keep it to ourselves?

Don't Tell Them

Deciding not to tell them can fall under the thought that sharing your personal choices will alienate them, offend them or repulse them. This can happen a lot with devote religious types (but not all) and those that have very conservative political views. Does this person talk about sex at all around you?  What about intimate details about their relationships? How do they respond to seeing aggressive or submissive behavior? If you have answered in the negative for any of these questions you may want to consider not telling this friend.

Choosing to not tell this person does mean you need to put up walls on what you two talk about. It shouldn't be any harder than it is currently since the conversation has rarely moved to intimate personal thoughts.

Tell Them

Telling your friend is by no means easy, but if you think that they will take the news well, then it could relieve some tension between you as you try to keep your mouth shut. It could even open up a dialog between the two of you. Be prepared for questions and the need to disprove common myths like BDSM is about pain, it's abuse, it's just kinky sex play or BDSM is against God or even Satanic. If you have the right answers and can convey them to your friends with intelligence it's likely you will calm their nerves about your new revelation.

It is possible that you could lose some friends if you tell them about this. Be prepared for some heartache if this happens. You can't make them understand, but you can at least hopefully keep the ones with an open mind. You can always make new friends, and while not as comfortable or valuable at first as old friends they are just as important.

photo credit by maxymedia