Bedroom BDSM is the most common form of BDSM relationship there is. So much of what we do has to happen behind closed doors and in the bedrooms of kinky couples all over. What is considered lifestyle domination and submission or 24/7 D/s is a rare thing. Before KnyghtMare and I moved to a TPE style relationship we were bedroom players. It was a perfect fit for our new relationship.

We'd get so excited when we retired to the bedroom for some playtime but as soon as we left the room our roles were turned off and we became a regular couple. There's something deliciously naughty about having a secret that only comes out when you are in your bedroom together.

So what is Bedroom BDSM? It's sort of the "lite" form of the more serious players in BDSM. It's for people who want to experiment with a little kinky play with their partners but don't necessarily need the community and support groups. Some people will be fine staying here but many others move into relationship D/s after awhile. Let's talk about how to make your bedroom only BDSM relationship special.

The Basics

No matter how experienced you may be with kinky things it's important to remember safety, sanity, and consensuality throughout the entire relationship and exchange. Taking care with the risks; both physical and mental will go a long way as you explore new and exciting sexual avenues. Never do anything without talking about it first and making sure that you are both okay to go ahead. It makes good common sense.

Set up a stop word so that if things get too much you have a way to announce that. Saying "stop" doesn't always work because in some fantasies begging for them to stop is part of the play. Make your stop word something that isn't part of your sexual repertoire. Things, like saying your partner's full name, a silly animal or using the stoplight system (red means stop), will keep you feeling safe and secure while you dabble in some risky play.

In the Beginning

Your first foray into kinky sex begins with talking to each other about your fantasies. They don't have to be detailed and if only one thing stands out about them then share that. It might help to watch porn together and share what you like and don't like, or you may enjoy reading erotica and highlighting passages that turn you on. There are many ways to come up with the perfect list of kinky fantasies you want to try.

Once you have a small list you can start talking to your partner about exploring these ideas. You should never force your kinky fantasies on your partner, it should be a mutual enjoyment. So, if you like one thing but they don't, see if you can do something for them at the same time. It can make it exciting for both of you.

Create a sacred space for your kinky fun. This is likely going to be your bedroom, so dress it up before you play. Light candles, or soften the lights, incense if you want, music that gets you in the mood works too. Anything to make your usual bedroom an oasis of kinky love and passion.

It's not uncommon for couples to make lounging in the bedroom off limits so that the idea that the bedroom is where their fantasies come true stays strong. If you use your bedroom for nothing but romance and sleeping then it will remain more powerful in your mind as the place to explore each other.

Start Small

It's a good idea to take things a little at a time. Pick one fantasy and play that out before you try another. Getting kinky is hot and exciting but if you try too much at once you could be playing with danger or inexperience.

Try to maintain your top and bottom or Dominant and submissive roles whenever you both are in the bedroom. This works especially well if you've made the bedroom a sacred space, or off-limits space.

A ritual at the start of play and at the end will help you enhance your roles and enable you to grow deeper in your fantasy. This also helps you define when play time happens and when the bedroom is just a bedroom. The ritual can be simple like wearing a play collar to something more elaborate involving kneeling or mantras or meditation.

Get Equipped

BDSM gear can be expensive but for the weekend adventurer, you don't need a whole lot of tools to have a good time. Most sex shops nowadays have some basic toys to try. Pick up blindfolds and velcro cuffs, fuzzy floggers and paddles, fun sex toys all around. Remember that quality generally means a higher price so keep that in mind. There is also a lot of online vendors that sell BDSM equipment. For the beginner, I recommend BDSM Gear for decent prices and a wide variety.

Just like good sex takes practice, good kinky sex takes preparation and the willingness to explore each other's fantasies. Make your night's hot and steam and just a bit kinky. You won't regret it.

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Thoughts to Ponder

  • Are you a weekend adventurer?
  • What kinky fantasies have you wanted to explore?
  • What do you think your partner would say if you shared your fantasies with them?