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When Fantasy Collides with Reality: Weighing Expectations when Exploring Kink Fantasies

Unrealistic expectations and desires are some of the most difficult challenges faced by those who are experienced in the lifestyle when dealing with those just entering the lifestyle. In many ways we each buy into a particular ‘aspect’ of the fantasy. Yet over and over people try to implement the impossible.

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Start Here: Don't Begin Exploring BDSM Until You've Read the Basics

There are so many primers out there about BDSM I'm not sure if another one is really needed. Then again with all the basic questions asked on forums and chat rooms about BDSM it's unlikely that my words will not be read by someone and that they will take something new from them.

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The Ins and Outs of Fetishes

A fetish is a sexual attachment to an inanimate object of body part. In many cases the fetishist can no achieve an erection or orgasm without the object being present or an active part in the act. This is not limited to men, so don't get my use of words turned around. Women also can develop fetishes.

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Is BDSM the Nerds and Geeks Club?

Dan Savage asked if nerds and geeks are more likely to be into BDSM. It was meant to be a joke, but in all truth, there has to be something to this as I've seen it myself. Now maybe it's because I'm more sensitive to seeing nerds and geeks, or should I say advanced intellectuals, being more into BDSM than other forms of sexuality. I am, after all a nerd myself and my Master is a geek. We get along better with nerdy and geeky friends than we do others because of the common topics that keep coming up.

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What to Do When Your Dominant is Not Emotionally Available

It is possible that emotional availability is not the problem at all -- it's just plain availability. All of us have busy lives these days.

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Never Say Never: Overcoming Hard Limits

When absolute trust is present, and the dominant is interested and experienced in helping to overcome fears and phobias, working through hard limits can be very empowering.

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Separating Fantasy from Reality - Using Erotic Novels to Find Truth

Fantasies are great lived and relived in our minds but there comes a time when our desire to experience what we've read is strong. Make sure you have all the facts and place yourself firmly in reality before you try to explore them. It will mean a safer more enjoyable time for you and your partner.

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Using Your Safeword Is Not a Sign of Failure

So many submissives that have safewords feel that if they use it they have let their partner down and feel disappointed in themselves, but that's just not true.

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Under the Microscope: Analyzing What You Read About BDSM for the Truth

You can understand more of what you read and apply only what will work for your situation while discarding the rest - without being overly critical.

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How to Tell If You Are With a Dominant or Just a Bossy Dick

I've spent some time trying to muster up a list of identifying features of Dominants and Jerks just to see what I can come up with. Hopefully, they can help you identify why you may be miserable with the partner you are currently with.

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