Welcome to part


in this week's series all about how to

help you feel more comfortable entering and becoming a part of the local BDSM community. Some of the best education I've received as a submissive, especially on the different ways other people live the D/s life, have been from people in my local area . Attending a munch, going to a play party, or just hanging out online and observing conversations and interactions is a great way to learn and have your eyes opened to other viewpoints and experiences.


oday, let's talk about

who you can expect to meet and what you can expect to happen when you attend a munch.

There are two types of people I know when it comes to attending a munch:

  • People who are terrified to go – afraid of being alone, ignored, or feeling like an outsider
  • People who used to feel that way until they actually attended a few munches

Everyone is nervous the first they attend their first meet-up with kinksters. I was lucky that Southern Sir was with me for my first munch. He knew most of the people, and I didn't feel completely alone. That being said, he did make me attend my first coffee time alone, and I broke down in tears as I drove away because I was so nervous about being new.

Both times, the Saturday afternoon munch and the mid-week evening “coffee time,” I was greeted and accepted by someone who was friendly. At the munch, it was the organizer who is now a personal friend. At the coffee time, it was another submissive who remembered what it was like to be new.

I know there are some exceptions to this, but by and large, when you go to your first munch, you will be greeted by friendly people.

Who You'll Meet at a Munch


Let me dispel the first myth about who you'll meet.

Everyone is going to look like a completely average, completely normal human being. You won't be able to tell most of the people apart from the vanilla patrons. If someone on staff doesn't know to send you in a specific direction (or a back room), you might not even find them right away.

You won't automatically be able to tell the Dominants from the submissives or switches. You won't see a lot of obvious signs of the lifestyle. You might see submissives wearing collars. Some people are completely out. Others are not.

This is a time for a more relaxed protocol. Feel free to introduce yourself. Only a total jerk will think you shouldn't speak to them because they're a Dominant or their partner is a submissive.

What You Can Expect at a Munch


Don't worry that you're not kinky enough or involved in BDSM enough to attend.

It's just a bunch of people sitting around, usually eating lunch or drinking a coffee, and hanging out. From my experience, we do get into conversations about sex or kink – something that may not happen in a gathering of your vanilla friends – but other than that, it's simply people talking to one another.

We talk about work. We talk about children. We talk about what business opened up or closed down in town. We talk about the weather.

At my munch, we have a few people who work at adult toy stores, and they talk about that. Hearing someone ask about a specific vibrator or flogger isn't unusual, but it's not exactly a required topic, either.

Depending on your local area, you might also have designated times to discuss topics in the lifestyle. Sometimes it's a speaker that comes in to share a presentation. It could just be an open discussion with a question thrown out for everyone to consider. Submissives and Dominants alike are encouraged to share their opinion. Protocol is low, but being polite is always a good thing.

A munch is like any other social gathering. People are people no matter where you are. Someone's going to be on a diet. Someone's going to be starving and order an absolutely huge meal. Someone will be a picky eater, and someone else probably won't eat at all.

It's not any different from a book club, a garden club, college friends, or a group of moms getting together after a trip to the park with one exception. Kink and BDSM are completely acceptable topics.

It's normal to be nervous. Go anyway. You never know who you'll meet or what you'll learn. But one thing is certain, you'll never know until you try.

Entering the Community Series

Part 1:  Finding Other Local Kinksters Using Online Resources

Part 2:  Socializing with Kinksters

Part 3: Understanding and Following General Protocols in Public

Part 4: Who You'll Meet and What to Expect at a Munch

Part 5: Who You'll Meet and What to Expect at a BDSM/Dungeon Play Party

Image via Kozzi