Just because a person also loves having sex while rolling in jello does not mean they are compatible with you.

That's right, I just said it. You've searched the world over for someone interested in the same kinky things you are and when you found one, I'm telling you to hold it right there a moment and think. You remember thinking, right? That mind function you had before all common sense fled and you were suddenly in a frenzy over finding someone who shared the same kinks as you and now you just had to have it? Yeah, that.

Ok, okay, so there are two scenarios here. You want a casual fling with someone and to experience a kink or fantasy that you have only found one other person that's into. Fine, go rock your world. There's really no need for further compatibility if that's all you are looking for.

But if you want a relationship with someone who enjoys a particular kink so that you can experience it again and again, as well as the dynamics a relationship can bring, read on.

Realistically, do you think you are completely compatible with someone who you know just one thing about? It's like a lottery number, the likelihood is that you'll not win. So, before the roll in jello, unless that's all you are interested in, talk to the person.

A relationship isn't about one specific fantasy fulfilled, it's about being each other's dreams realized. Even if you've looked for someone for months or years and this is the first person who has said, yes I love that kink, if you aren't relationship compatible then that really means nothing. The scope is larger than that.

This goes for submissives brand new to submission or BDSM. The first Dominant you meet is not necessarily your dream Dom. Do not submit to anyone until you know them forwards and backward and are sure you are compatible with them. Honestly, if you are new you need to know what you want and need in a Dominant before you go looking, but that's another post altogether.

That brings me to you: What advice would you give someone who has met someone based on one facet and wants to commit right away? How do you feel about submissives being collared within months of finding D/s (without an existing relationship as the foundation)?