The reality of long-distance relationships, or any non-live-in relationship, is that you will have to handle periods of absence. It's a painful and bitter reminder that you are not together and that your desires for each other have to go unquenched. But that doesn't mean you can't get through them with a few coping techniques.

The time of separation could be as little as a few hours to as much as months or possibly years. As I can't describe every single relationship I am going to endeavorer to describe what will help you cope in most situations. Other suggestions are always welcome.

I'm not going to talk about why people choose long distance relationships but I would like to say that it's a very stressful way to live and not many relationships of this sort survive long term. If you are looking for a lifetime relationship, then long distance may not work out for you. That's just statistics, however, there is always an exception.

When you are faced with a separation a rush of emotions can course through you. Of these; fear, loneliness, helplessness, and desperation are very powerful and debilitating to some submissives. Do these feelings make you dread the times apart and suspend your every day in a fog of waiting? It doesn' t have to be that way.

First, remind yourself that your Dominant has given you tasks or rules that you will need to continue to carry out. These are blissful reminders that he cares for you and still holds power in your life. Sure you could just view them as chores and tasks, but if you really need a connection to your Dominant, this is a simple and ever-present tool that can connect the two of you.

But that's small potatoes for someone who has to spend a long time away from their Dominant. You need the iron-clad coping strategies.

Conquering The Absence

1. Keep busy. The pain of absence is felt the most when you are idle. In fact that is when most emotions are at their strongest. The silence and stillness around us drive the voices and thoughts in our heads to the forefront and can cripple submissives emotionally. Making sure your mind is always doing something, or that you are active in your daily life will help cut down the number of pain-numbing moments of absence.

2. Write your feelings down. Keeping a journal of your thoughts on an hourly/daily/weekly basis will provide you a brain dump of your feelings. Harboring them inside is not only difficult but can make your everyday tasks more difficult. Get them out on paper (or computer) and save them.  That way they are there, but not always present.

Online blogs are a good source of the brain dump for long distance relationships because then the Dominant can read what you are thinking and help you cope and provide comfort. Emailing your thoughts is just as successful and is private.

3. Develop a personal reminder ritual. You don't have to rely on your Dominant to develop rituals for you. You can create something that will have a personal meaning to you and help you reconnect with your commitment to your Dominant even if they are far away.

A ritual is a specialized routine of step-by-step actions in certain circumstances. This could be kneeling and saying a mantra everyday so a bathing routine that you do while meditating on your submission. Make it personal and customize it to you and what you want it to do. One of my favorites has been to pick my favorite quotes from letters my Dominant sent me and posting them about the house. Each time I saw one I had to read it three times aloud. It was his affirmation to me that the absence was indeed getting smaller and it brought me joy.

4. Phone a friend. Don't be afraid to call for help. If the loneliness and absence gets to you, seek out someone you can talk to. You do not have to do this all alone. There are places you can go for support and to talk. Submissive Guide has a chat room that has people in it pretty much all the time in the evenings. Also the Community side of the site is full of submissives that can offer you support and guidance.


Ultimately it boils down to acceptance. The distance and time are something you can not control. So you need to do your best to yield to it. There is only so much I can say to encourage you to do your best to live as your Dominant would want you to in their absence. You have to want to do it, accept it and sometimes thrive in it. What you do while apart can give you a glimpse at how you'll be when together. Are you desperate for attention or are you more independent? Do the rules and tasks given give you comfort or are they just an annoyance? Do you struggle with loneliness even when out with friends or family?

It's nice to be needy as a submissive, but not every Dominant will want an overly needy submissive. Take care of yourself while distance or time separate you. There is a time and place for everything and learning to cope with absence can be a powerful tool to help you through life.

Handling absence isn't something that needs to be in everyone's emotional toolbox, but it's helpful for many of life's situations. I hope you've picked up a few tips that will keep you moving forward in submission and life.

Recommended Books

Thoughts to Ponder

  1. What is the hardest thing to overcome in the absence of your Dominant?
  2. What is the longest you've been separated?
  3. What would you tell others about how you cope with long distance longing?