Hey lunaKM! I am quite new to this lifestyle, and the submissive guide has been so, so helpful. But I was wondering what’s the safest way to get in touch with potential online Doms? There are so many sites, I’m a little overwhelmed. Thanks, Megan :)

Hi Megan!

Any sort of communication online can be fraught with peril but when done with your own personal safety in mind, then you can weed out the potential Dominants that aren’t compatible with you and stop wasting your time with still others that only want a bit of wank fodder.

There are likely hundreds of sites you can go to and meet people. A few of the more common personals sites for submissives are collarme.com and alt.com. If you are looking primarily for social networking then FetLife.com has been successful for many people as well. None of these are 100% safe, but with the right tools and frame of mind, you can use them to search safely for a Dominant that will fit what you need and want in a relationship.

First, you’ll want to make sure your online profile speaks for you and not against you. Developing a positive and welcoming personal ad on your profile is a challenging task and you’ll find yourself constantly tweaking it. I’ve written a pretty good primer for what you should include (and leave out) of your profile on Submissive Guide.

Write an Online BDSM Dating Profile that Gets Results!

While you take in the tips on that piece you will probably start to wonder if there is anything you should keep out of your profile. I’ll answer with a resounding YES! A lot of your personal information that does not deal directly with you or with the person you are searching for should not be on your profile. This is information like your children’s names or your job information.

Try this:

 Pretend that you have struck up a conversation with the cashier at your favorite grocery store. What do you tell them about yourself? Do you go into detail or do you skim the surface? Is telling them your children’s names, where they go to school and where you work important to share when you don’t know the person you are talking to? Probably not.

If you want more information about what NOT to Share on Your Online Profile,  check out my video post with the accompanying article on Submissive Guide.

Now, once your inbox starts filling up with first messages from potential Dominants you’ll want to weed out the ones that aren’t going to work. For now, I’d ignore the ones from Dominants who talk about sex in the first message. You don’t need that attention. The messages that are worthy of a response are the ones that treat you like they just approached you in public, and want to get to know you better. Keep the kink and sex talk to a minimum the first few messages unless you are only looking for a casual/play relationship!

You are looking, hopefully, for the entire package so get to know them on a personal level, then a Dominant level and ultimately on a sex/kink compatibility level.

I hope my tips have helped you search for a Dominant online as safely as possible. Good luck!