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Mentors

Applying mentoring to a BDSM context a mentor is someone that guides and advises a newbie on what to expect, things they might want learn and other items. I believe a mentor should be on the same level as you. There are many opinions out there, but common sense advice can be found in the following series of articles about mentors.

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Safewords

A safeword is a vocal brake in play; one that typically halts play completely, but can also be one where slowing down is the direction. It is a simple word or phrase that requires very little thought process to utter as a sign of distress or caution. Understand how to select your safeword and why it’s important in the following articles.

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Lessons in Submissive Speech

Not long after my first step into the real world of BDSM I learned of a phrase that to this day has no real definition that I can pin to it. That phrase is “speaking submissively.” To me, there is no way to speak submissively that isn’t also speaking respectfully and with deference. Many other people speak the same way in situations that call for it, like in front of a judge or to the president for instance.But I still get questions about how a submissive is supposed to say x, y and z so I thought that I’d do my best to convey what I think would work in a variety of circumstances so that if the occasion arises that you need to “speak submissively” you’ll have something you can say.

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What A Submissive Should Bring to Play Sessions

With the wide range or play activities and tools needed for them, you can be sure that you will have at least one full bag of items. Yes submissives, you need to have your own play bag also. I can hear it now though. Dominants use the toys, why do I need to have some? Well here's the scoop. A lot of the toys used on us are not easy or impossible to clean from person to person. These toys should be one person only. In those cases, you definitely should respect your Dominant by bringing your own.

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The Abuse Debate: A Matter of Acceptance Not Consent

BDSM relationships make the argument on abuse much more complicated than it already is, and those in TPE relationship have an even harder time than that. For non-kinky people, it's pretty easy to define abuse. How do you define abuse if the way the dictionary defines it just does not apply to you?

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Being About It: Honor and Integrity as a Submissive

Honor and integrity, we say and hear these words often; “A good Master/Dominant is honorable, a person of integrity!” “Our community is based on honor and integrity,” “I’m honorable, a person of great integrity…” Yet, I find that in reality, the concept of honor and integrity is rather vague for many.

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Are You A Reflection of Your Dominant?

Kind, good-intentioned people say that submissives should be on their best behavior because they are the reflection of the Dominant who owns them. The personal responsibility of the submissive is all of a sudden not taken into account.

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Humor and Submission:  Service with a Smile (and a laugh or two)

By considering it as a form of service, bringing laughter to your relationship, life, and scenes can allow you to enjoy an infrequently discussed but a very pleasurable side of BDSM.

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Finding Your Tribe-The Importance of the Kink Community

I realized there was a lot out there I was missing and how important it was to get involved in the local groups and to have mentors and other s-types that I could talk to about things.

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The Role Sex Plays in a D/s Relationship

Sex and how we've learned about sex can form our own opinions about how sexual D/s forms in our lives and how we respond to it. The emphasis of sex in a D/s relationship comes about in a variety of forms and is only limited by your imagination. What role does it play in your relationship?

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