Dear Submissive Guide

I hit the jackpot with my first (and quite likely only) Dom. He is kind and considerate and well, treats me like a queen. He makes being submissive to him so wonderful. But, in the rare times, we don't see eye to eye and he tells me what he wants, he will follow it up with what I am to say in response. I say it but it feels contrived when I just parrot him word for word. If I change it at all so it's coming from the heart and a desire to be sincere he gets upset. I love him beyond measure and I don't ever want to feel like I'm not being sincere in my desire to please him or in my expression of love for him. What do I do?


Feeling Like a Parrot

Dear Parrot,

I’m trying to be open-minded in considering your question because the idea that you’re required to repeat back word-for-word a response your Dominant wants really bothers me. Especially when you add that if you change it even the slightest to feel more sincere, he becomes upset. I understand this seems to be a form of discipline that you’ve consented to and it works for you.

Assuming this is a safe, healthy relationship, my answer is fairly simple. You need to talk to him. Let him know you want to serve and be obedient - which is what I’m gleaning from this requirement of his - but it makes you feel insincere and like a parrot.

While the desire for you to be obedient and do exactly as you’re told in all things isn’t uncommon in some D/s relationships, you have every right to discuss this issue with your Dominant. It may be that he can explain his thinking to you so you understand why he wants to hear the specific words. It could be that he’ll understand your desire to feel like the words you say are more sincere.

What troubles me about this is that, although disagreements are rare (though not uncommon in D/s relationships), you don’t seem to have the freedom to express how you really feel. What happens when you don’t agree with what he wants you to say? How can you move on from an argument or a disagreement if your heart really isn’t in the resolution?

On the chance that this has become more common over time or you’ve found yourself saying things you don’t mean or having unresolved issues over a disagreement, you may need to have a much harder conversation. No matter how tightly controlled your dynamic is, you have to have a mechanism in place to express your real feelings and emotions. You have to be able to say what you think. Sure, as submissives, we may need to be more respectful in our tone and actions because of the relationship you’re in, but it doesn’t mean we don’t get to have our own opinions or to share them.

This is a basic right and necessity in any D/s relationship. Even some of the most tightly controlled Master/slave relationships I’ve witnessed had some way of dealing with problems and communicating to resolve disagreements. Your relationship should be no different.