I am new to a Dom/Sub relationship, for years I chose the wrong men because I was not sure what I needed.  I have desired to be a sub for years and now I am acting on it,  I have been given this site from  Dom Friend who wants me to do some research before we meet. So question what books would be most beneficial for a person wanting to be a submissive for the first time?


There are a lot of books out there related to BDSM and being a novice submissive. You’ll have to read the reviews and figure out from any list I or someone else gives you to decide if they will really help you gain the knowledge you want. With that in mind, a few of my most recommended are:

Conquer Me: girl-to-girl wisdom about fulfilling your submissive desires

 by Kacie Cunningham.

With warmth, wisdom and a down-to-earth approach, experienced submissive Kacie Cunningham analyzes the realities of the dominant-submissive lifestyle and suggests ways in which both partners can experience the greatest possible growth and pleasure. At the heart of the book is an emotion Kacie has dubbed “Conquer Me” — which she defines as “the submissive’s internal demand for a show of strength.”

Learning the Ropes: A Basic Guide to Safe and Fun S/m Lovemaking

 by Race Bannon.

This brief volume explains how partners can explore their dominant and submissive S/M fantasies in a safe and fun manner. Negative myths are dispelled and replaced with the truth about the kind of S/M erotic play that so many adults enjoy. You’ll learn what S/M is, how to do it safely, and much, much more.

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission

 by William Brahme and Gloria Brahme.

A breakthrough in sexual literature, this work is a complete, comprehensive user-friendly guide to and tour through the world of alternative sexual lifestyles. While the topics are exotic and erotic, the authors handle each one in a sensitive, thorough, analytical, and fascinating way and manage to explain a secret world to those who might wish to visit.

Leading and Supportive Love: The Truth About Dominant and Submissive Relationships

 by Chris Lyon.

This innovative book can help with new and clearer understanding of yourself, your relationship and acceptance with those that you love and care for. Read about case illustrations, research insights, relationship help, and surprising details that may make you look at this type of long-term, committed relationship in a whole different way, no matter what gender you are! The Dominant and Submissive Relationship is an ancient and contemporary harmonious dance that has become mysterious, magnetic, powerful, and controversial in modern day society. It may not be what you think, and some of the truth may surprise you!

Sensuous Magic 2 Ed: A Guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples

 by Patrick Califia.

Mixing erotic vignettes with practical how-to advice and personal insight, Sensuous Magic is the author’s guide to sadomasochism for couples. For readers who harbor fantasies of erotic dominance and submission, Sensuous Magic demystifies S/M, explaining terminology and technique. Experienced players will appreciate the author’s knowledge of S/M safety and his insight into S/M psychology. Novices will be reassured by the book’s honest, frank approach. This new edition discusses myths about S/M, the psychology of bondage, communication and negotiation, techniques of pleasure and sensation (including tickling, pressure, temperature, impact play and whipping), and sex in S/M scenes. Also included are a glossary, updated bibliography, and resource guide.

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism

 by Philip Miller and Molly Devon.


crew the Roses

 enthusiastically covers all the basics and even some of the not-so-basics–bondage, negotiation, sex, endorphins, dominance and submission, toys, safety, S/M community, and beyond. It’s written primarily from the point of view of male dominant/female submissive interactions, but it’s easily translatable into valuable advice for any relationship configuration. Miller and Devon’s explanations of not just the how, but also the why, of sadomasochism are honest, sexy, funny–and a must-have for anyone who wants to learn about sadism, masochism, dominance, submission, or bondage.

The Compleat Slave: Creating And Living An Erotic Dominant/submissive Lifestyle

 by Jack Rinella.

In this highly anticipated follow-up to The Master’s Manual, author Jack Rinella continues his in-depth exploration and discussion of Dominant/submissive relationships with his latest book, The Compleat Slave. This informative overview of the leather scene features Rinella’s guidelines, tips, and personal experiences in creating safe and sane Master/slave relationships. Whether you are a novice or an experienced Master or slave, this insightful and forthright volume will prove to be a great read and a valuable reference guide.

Readers: Do you have any books you’d add to this list?