Struggling to speak up when something feels off in your dynamic? This article offers real talk and practical tips for submissives who want to give feedback to their Dominant without stepping out of their role.
Question: Last week, in the introductory phase, I had a Domme ask me what humiliates me. I hesitated to tell her because it also embarrassed me. Hope that makes sense. I ended up telling her, but it was very uncomfortable. What are your thoughts on this question, and am I obligated to answer this?
Am I obligated to answer questions about what humiliates me if it embarrasses me? Read More »
Full Question: How do I talk to my Dom that I want more pain, especially in spankings? He is worried about hurting me and nervous, but I am okay with it, so how do I show him how and support him in this? Answer: Your desire for more pain is making you ignore something very
How do I talk to my Dom that I want more pain, especially in spankings? Read More »
Full Question: [Trimmed for brevity.] I’m dating a guy who is my potential Dom. He doesn’t DO much of what he talks about. It feels like he’s becoming my kind-of-kinky boyfriend. That’s not what I want. We’ve talked about what I’m seeking & what he wants. In talks, it seems like a perfect match, but
How do I have a difficult conversation with my partner about my needs? Read More »
Full Question: How do I ask my Dominant for what I want without sounding demanding? Answer: First, communication is the only way your Dominant will know anything about what you want and need, so talking about those things is important to the health of your relationship and your submissive journey. Healthy communication styles require practice
How do I ask my Dominant for what I want without sounding demanding? Read More »
Full Question: When talking to a new potential Dom, I find he will write sporadically. There are often days or over a week until he responds to my messages. How much should I expect when getting to know someone? I like to really get to know someone before I commit/ play, and I find that
How much communication should I expect? Read More »
Full Question: How do you tell your Dominant he is wrong and still be respectful? Would you go ahead and do the punishment for something you do not feel you deserve… just because he is your Dom and his word goes? Answer: The question here really isn’t about how to tell your Dominant they are
Want to spice up your kinky playtime? Learn how to use erotic begging to intensify your scenes, add elements of humiliation, and enhance your BDSM dynamics with your partner.
How to Use Erotic Begging to Intensify Your Kinky Playtime Read More »
Full Question: If your Dom forgets to do things we have agreed on beforehand, how do you remind them without feeling like you are directing the scene and therefore feeling less submissive? Answer: I understand that when you have to raise a concern during play it could leave you feeling less submissive, but there is
How do you remind your Dom of things they agreed to while remaining submissive? Read More »
Full Question: Advice for therapists who work with BDSM clients? Answer: I’d be happy to provide my thoughts on improving therapy for BDSM persons seeking therapy. First, it’s always hard for us to open up about these things, and we’ve been told to keep it a secret for a long time. We may need a
Advice for therapists who work with bdsm clients? Read More »
Full Question: I did something, and my Master was angry. Yes, I have apologized to Him, and He has already punished me for it, but I still feel that He is upset with me. He avoids having full conversations with me, and whenever I ask Him if He is still mad, He says He is
How do I stop my Dom being mad at me? Read More »
Full Question: When and how do you negotiate with your partner? I want him to be happy, and I’m willing to make compromises; I just want to balance sticking to my own values. Answer: I think we all want our partners to be happy without sacrificing our own values and needs. Negotiating happens at the
When and how do you negotiate? Read More »
Communication is not the sexiest word a submissive can utter, but it’s one of the most necessary. An issue I hear brought up quite commonly is that it just doesn’t “feel submissive” to be talking about needs with a dominant. Still, there comes a time in every relationship when it feels like the relationship is
6 Qualities of Mindful Submission When Communicating With Our Partners Read More »
I was raised to say “please,” “thank you,” and apologize if I did something wrong. This politeness is ingrained in us as children. Being polite serves as a way to express empathy and respect for others. However, the phrase “I’m sorry,” has become a reflex rather than a meaningful expression. Many of us use it
Breaking the Apology Habit: Alternatives to Overusing ‘I’m Sorry’ Read More »
Dear Submissive Guide I hit the jackpot with my first (and quite likely only) Dom. He is kind and considerate and well, treats me like a queen. He makes being submissive to him so wonderful. But, in the rare times, we don’t see eye to eye and he tells me what he wants, he will
Feeling Like a Parrot: Saying What He Wants to Hear Instead of a Sincere Response Read More »
“The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.” Submissive Guide was started not just to share what I know; it is also, at least for me, a way to continue to learn by talking out my struggles and answering the questions presented to me. Communication is a key
Every Good Conversation Starts with Active Listening Read More »
Maybe you know a frequent apologizer, or maybe you’ve been surprised, but at some point in your life, you’ve probably had someone tell you, “Hey, I’m sorry!” and your immediate response was, “What on earth are you apologizing for?” If you’re like me, and you completely lack a brain-to-mouth filter, your reaction probably came tumbling
The Art of Apology: Receiving an apology when you don’t think one is necessary Read More »
Just as it’s important to know how to apologize, it’s important to know how to receive one. Saying the wrong thing after someone has apologized to you can make the person apologize feel like you’re dismissing their attempt to make things right between the pair of you. Make this mistake often enough, and you’re creating
The Art of Apology: Receiving an Apology Read More »
Apologizing is great, of course, but there is such a thing as apologizing too often. I had a biology teacher in high school who wouldn’t accept when his students said, “Sorry,” for mundane transgressions. “Don’t say sorry all the time,” he’d say, “or people are going to start thinking that you’re a sorry individual.” We
The Art of Apology: Don’t Over Apologize Read More »
This is part two of The Art of Apology. Would you like to read the previous article first? More often than not, we know the moment that we say or do something that our words and actions are going to merit an apology to someone. Most of us have that voice inside our heads that immediately
The Art of Apology: Knowing When to Apologize Read More »
