Full Question: When and how do you negotiate with your partner? I want him to be happy, and I’m willing to make compromises; I just want to balance sticking to my own values.
Answer:
I think we all want our partners to be happy without sacrificing our own values and needs.
Negotiating happens at the beginning of a relationship, and then any time something new comes up that needs to be discussed. A power exchange relationship is a consensual partnership whose goal is to have a satisfying relationship where all party’s needs and desires are addressed, and your personal values are upheld.
It can look different in each relationship, from dating and getting to know each other, finding out what each of you wants and needs for a relationship to function, to having long, drawn-out conversations where you talk about everything expected to establish a relationship or make a change in the current dynamic.
Before you negotiate, get your wants and needs together. Think about what your ideal day looks like, how you want your future to be, and what submission looks like to you. Knowing who you are and what you need will help keep your values in light for the negotiations to follow.
1. Find a Way to Introduce the Subject
Tell your partner that you would like to request some of their time to talk. Do it as respectfully as possible and never immediately demand their full attention. Set a date for it. This way, they will know you mean business and that what you have to say is important. This gives them the time they need to process and prepare.
2. Clearly Express Your Wants
Simplicity is key here, as is staying on message. You don’t want to approach a negotiation carrying old baggage or grudges. Think through what you desire from a certain situation and ensure that you don’t let the conversation get bogged down by other issues.
3. Listen Carefully
It’s important to take in what a partner says during the conversation and honor it. Successful collaborative negotiation is about honoring your commitment to each other and doing whatever you need to make that commitment work.
4. Make An Action Plan
Any good negotiation requires that both parties take action, then follow through and follow up. Remain accountable and be there for each other as you learn a new way to interact and explore power exchange.
Building a power exchange relationship takes work, but it’s worth it.
