“What do I do if my significant other is vanilla?” This is part 2 and deals with a situation in which your vanilla partner is not receptive to what has been discussed in part 1. As mentioned in part 1, if after the first conversation in which you have expressed a mild version of your BDSM desires […]
“What do I do if my significant other is vanilla?” This is a common situation and one which does not have an easy answer. It is important because, for many of us, it is not sufficient to simply bury our desires and needs for BDSM submission. This article will discuss how to approach your partner the
Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Read More »
Open communication is complicated by shyness. Addressing that shyness could help you open up to your partner and others instead of the social discomfort you constantly feel. But what is shyness and how does it manifest? You can get over being shy and start living your life free from social awkwardness. Then your submissive communication
The Secret of Communicating When You Are Shy Read More »
In a previous article, I discussed conflict resolution in a D/s relationship. This post will continue the discussion on returning to your submissive role after the argument. So, you’ve taken my advice from the previous article and stepped outside your roles to resolve a conflict with your partner. Perhaps you had an all-out fight. Relationships
3 Ways to Recover From a Fight and Return to Submission Post-Argument Read More »
Last month I had a question show up in my inbox that actually had me puzzled for a bit. Not that the question was difficult at all, but that I honestly didn’t think about how I handle it in our relationship, so I got up and asked KM. He assured me that my thought process
5 Ways to Resolve Conflict in a D/s Relationship Read More »
Every semester I present a BDSM panel at my alma mater for the Human Sexuality class. I’ve been doing it for almost 8 years now and it doesn’t appear to be ending any time soon. The teacher always asks for me to pull some people together and says that he gets a lot of excellent
Talking About BDSM to Vanilla Folk: What to Say and What to Avoid Read More »
“Safe spaces require that we appreciate and respect the vulnerability of others and grace it with our own.” – Christen Killick Good communication is the cornerstone for a great relationship, whether in a Dominant/submissive dynamic or not. When you’ve been at this for a while, you don’t have to think much about it because it
Creating a Safe Space: Enhancing Communication in D/s Relationships Read More »
I’m still amazed at how many novices on FetLife and in my inbox ask me how to talk to their Dominant to ask for what they want or need. Others fail at open communication at all or have had issues with their Dominant because they are keeping things from them. I don’t know about you,
How to Talk to Your Dominant About Your Needs and Desires While Submissive Read More »
Sexting gets so much bad press these days when it comes to teens sharing naughty pictures of themselves and their friends. It’s not just teens that are doing it though. The majority of the kink community uses mobile devices to carry on their kinky lives unbeknown-st to those around them at the office, on the bus or
How to Get Started With Sexting and Mobile Kink Read More »
As a submissive, it can be easy to get into the habit of trudging along in a daily routine. You know what you should be doing: for some, the routine is detailed out hour to hour or even more so. You get comfortable and secure in the routine because you are confident that you are
What is the “Spirit of the Rule” Read More »
I’m sitting here, staring at the blank page, turning over and over in my mind what I could possibly write about. There’s so much information, here at Submissive Guide, already, that I’m not even sure where to begin. The beginning’s where I usually start. But I think I’m going to start with what was almost
Honest Communication or Bust Read More »
Expressing gratitude for your Dominant partner and what they do to enrich your life may seem simple. You can always say thank you. That’s good manners. I really hope you take every opportunity to say thank you, but what if you want a few more creative ways to show how appreciative you are to your
5 Ways to Express Your Gratitude to Your Dominant Read More »
When you get married, you have to legally sign a document attesting to your decision to be married. The legal document can come in many forms but most have a brief section about what each party declares for the union, how they will treat each other and how commitment will be displayed (change of names
What You Need To Know About Using Contracts to Negotiate a Relationship Read More »
It can be terrifying approaching a Dominant and asking them to play with you. The butterflies in your belly can make it very difficult to take that first step. It can be even worse if you two don’t negotiate the scene to get what you want out of it, and they do too. Negotiating a
The Basics of Negotiating a BDSM Scene Read More »
This post is from Norische. She allows anyone to post her articles anywhere they will do some good. I could not come up with a better way to say what she does in this article. Please enjoy and comment! I’d love to hear if you have told your family and how it went. “So what
Just Wait Till Your Father Gets Home: Telling Your Family Read More »
Since the advent of the internet and the birth of BDSM online there has been slash speak. Slash speak is a protocol established by online dominants for their submissives to decern who’s on top and who’s on the bottom. It’s said to be a form of respect for those online. For those of us who
The Novelty of Slash Speak in Online Submission Read More »
As a novice submissive, I believed that asking for anything was not appropriate for a submissive. I rarely requested a favorite restaurant, something at the store or anything else I wanted. My Master often asked me why I constantly deferred to him for everything. Of course, I responded with what I thought to be right,
Reminder: Asking For What You Want Is Not Overstepping Your Place Read More »
To conclude this series on wants and needs I’d like to talk about what to do when you needs and wants are not being met. We’ve already discussed how important the fulfillment of needs are to your relationship and also what your desires are. You can also review how to express your wants and needs to your partner so
What Should You Do When Your Wants or Needs Aren’t Met? Read More »
UPDATE: I have written further on this topic. Please check out Why You Should Know the Truth About Topping from the Bottom and Feeding His Dominance is Not Topping from Below. Topping from the bottom is a misunderstood term in BDSM, especially if you are a novice. The idea behind the term is to help submissives understand their
5 Ways to Recognize Topping from the Bottom Read More »
In the previous post about Wants and Needs we began to understand the importance of Needs for ourselves and our relationship. If you would like to go back and read The Importance of Needs to review, please do so. In this post, I’d like to talk about how to express your wants and needs with yourself and
How To Talk About Your Wants and Needs With Your Dominant Read More »
