In this video series, I define terms that readers have asked me about! This one is all about safewords. Do you have a term you'd like defined? Let me know.
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Safety comes in many forms and at any level of risk awareness. One of the very first things you learn when you encounter BDSM is the use of safewords. But now, I feel it’s time to gather everything together and really dig deep into safewords; from their use, the safety implied and some of the problems safewords cause.
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Negotiation and consent are the primary ways BDSM is distinguished from abuse - they are essential parts of kinky play. But far too many people gloss over how important it is to be really good at negotiating so that you can have great kinky fun. And you want to have kinky fun, right?
Read The Article | Find SimilarNot long after my first step into the real world of BDSM I learned of a phrase that to this day has no real definition that I can pin to it. That phrase is “speaking submissively.” To me, there is no way to speak submissively that isn’t also speaking respectfully and with deference. Many other people speak the same way in situations that call for it, like in front of a judge or to the president for instance.But I still get questions about how a submissive is supposed to say x, y and z so I thought that I’d do my best to convey what I think would work in a variety of circumstances so that if the occasion arises that you need to “speak submissively” you’ll have something you can say.
Read The Series | Find SimilarA safeword is how you can protect yourself with a trusting partner.
Watch The Video | Find SimilarIt's not my intention to scare you or convince you that you shouldn't have a safeword. but don't ever expect your safeword to protect you. You can not have safewords without trust.
Read The Article | Find SimilarYou never know what may go on, how you will react or where your limits are that day. Using that safeword will protect yourself. But for many of us, wielding that power is scary and one that you don't consider unless it is absolutely necessary. When we do break and need to safeword out of a scene we can be fraught with guilt and feelings of failure.
Read The Article | Find SimilarWhen the intensity of activities go up it's not uncommon for tops and bottoms alike to lose the ability to communicate clearly. So, something developed to help us is safewords.
Read The Article | Find SimilarMy opinion on whether safewords should be allowed during punishment (for misbehavior).
Read The Article | Find SimilarPlaying comes with dangers and risks. Making sure you are going to be as safe as you wish to be is up to you. That's where safewords come in.
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