I picked up BDSM - The Naked Truth by Dr. Charley Ferrer a while ago. And by a while ago, I mean since 2012. It’s been sitting at the bottom of my Kindle library and part of my reading goals this year was to read some of those books that have sat untouched for a few years. I bought this book because I’m always interested when a new introduction to BDSM book comes out. Even though I don’t need an introduction to the lifestyle, every author, while for the most part saying the same thing, has their own way of sharing that information and their own tips and tricks. This is where I’m introduced to new ideas and new ways of thinking of old ideas and I love that. I also love being able to share these books as well with Submissive Guide readers. When Dr. Charley Ferrer stated that she is one of the world’s leading experts on BDSM, I had to check out and see what she had to say about the lifestyle.

For those of you who don’t know who Dr. Ferrer is, let me give you a little bit of information about her. Dr. Ferrer is a world-renowned clinical sexologist, BDSM expert, and radio/TV talk show host and producer. She also has her own private practice in New York where she provides coaching and mentoring consultations on various aspects of sexuality including sex therapy, BDSM, and self-empowerment. She is also the founder of the BDSM Writer’s Con, which is a conference for authors, readers, and publishers of BDSM erotica.

Dr. Ferrer describes this book as not a beginner’s how to guide, but focuses more on the emotional and psychological connections that couples make with each other in a power exchange relationship, which is exactly what she covers. In the first few chapters, she covers fundamentals of BDSM, definitions of words that are frequently used throughout the life style, and the psychology behind the lifestyle as well as misconceptions. Later in the book she covers topics such as protocol, training, punishment, as well as a little detail about different types of activities that take place within a BDSM relationship such as bondage, impact play, and wax play to name a few.

I really did not enjoy reading this book. For the most part while reading, I found myself getting not just upset, but rather angry by some of the things she said and her tone throughout the book. Dr. Ferrer has this tone throughout the book of being one of those one true way individuals. That what she says is gospel and how everyone else should follow. Maybe it’s just me, but that’s how I felt reading this book. She also mentions several misconceptions in her book as fact. Not only that, but she says that people who are in full-time power exchange relationships are more serious about BDSM than those who only practice it in the bedroom. She also says that those who are in full-time relationships see those who aren’t as “kids in a candy store grabbing as many treats as they can before running back to their vanilla lives”. After reading that, I was quite ready to throw my tablet across the room. In my opinion, this completely goes against the your kink is not my kink and that’s okay. You don’t judge people based on their kinks or how they practice their kinks. That is not okay. Hearing this from someone who helps people with sexual and kink acceptance, makes me wonder just how accepting Dr. Ferrer really is of people who practice kink outside of her definitions. Some misconceptions she mentions:

• That those who are considered property aren’t allowed safewords.

• That there is a belief within the community that as one grows in maturity and desire, that the individual will move on from mere play into a D/s relationship and then eventually into a M/s relationship.

• Slaves are not allowed to negotiate aspects and limits within their relationship and the only limits a slave has is what is given to them by their master.

• That dominants are considered wimpy for wanting to open up to their s-type

• That it’s not uncommon for s-types to purposely instigate punishments.

She makes these statements and several others as if these things happen in all relationships and as we all know, every relationship is different and based upon what the parties involved want from and out of the relationship. Making sweeping generalizations such as these just continue to feed stereotypes and misconceptions that people have about the lifestyle.

Two things she does mention in the book that I liked is something she says about power exchange and the stigma that a lot of female dominants and male submissives have to deal with.

Dr. Ferrer mentions early in the book that power exchange is at the heart of all BDSM interactions and this passage got me thinking about how true that is. Whether the individuals are involved in a full-time relationship or bedroom only, there is always a power exchange happening. Reading this line made me realize that pretty much everything that everything that we do, power exchange is the basis for that.

She also throughout the later chapters in the book, she mentions stigmas that both female dominants and male submissives face. The reason why I like that she did this is because while people may not think about it, both female dominants and male submissives tend to have a harder time in the lifestyle. There are male dominants out there, as well as female s-types who look down on this type of relationship, which in my opinion is sad. Talking about this subject makes people aware that there are prejudices in the lifestyle, especially towards those who don’t fit the typical male dominant/female s-type mold.

Overall, I would not recommend this book for reading. I found too many things I disagreed with and feel like the tone of the book isn’t at all friendly. I feel there are a lot of other books out there that are worth your money and energy.

You can learn more about Dr. Charley Ferrer at her website and you can purchase a copy of BDSM The Naked Truth at Barnes and Noble and Amazon.

Tequila R’s Rating: 1 out of 10 Publisher: Institute of Pleasure (October 1, 2011) Paperback: 228 Pages Language: English ISBN-10: 0977006344