You're sitting at your computer (or tablet, or phone) right now and have wondered for some time about going to a BDSM munch or a party or convention but are afraid that you don't fit into the image you have in your head of who really is into BDSM. You've seen the porn on Kink.com and other places and you notice that most of the pictures on FetLife are of fit, healthy people dressed in latex and leather from head to toe. You can't possibly fit into the BDSM world.

Wrong.

I'm going to suggest taking a personal survey. The next time you are in a store for groceries or browsing take a look around. Take a look at all the adults there; their shapes and sizes, their different races and colors, languages and behaviors and their different relationships. These same people could be at a munch or convention. Normal everyday people. They aren't models. They aren't porn stars.

They don't own a stitch of latex or leather fetish gear (of course you never know).

Where does this thought that you have to look a certain way to be into kink or attend a BDSM event come from? I feel that we perpetuate that ourselves with the photos and porn we see. We don't see the average everyday person in this media because we don't find it appealing and it doesn't sell membership or tickets. But the stand and model crowd are few and far between at real events around the world. As a society, we seem to make it a game to tell people in one way or another that they won't fit in, shouldn't fit in or are too x, y or z to fit in. Unfortunately, we are not a society that embraces differences.

With the variety of kink and fetishes just about anything can be considered sexy and desirable - even your flabby arms and round thighs, your scarred body or your simple lacy lingerie. Age doesn't matter either. Every age is beautiful and can be into kink. We tell teenage girls to ignore the media that says they need to be anorexic to be beautiful but we don't take that same advice. You are not the media. You are not the posed photos and narrow view of beauty. You are beautiful because you do not follow those trends.

Be Yourself.

You are the sexiest person you can be when you are confident about yourself. That confidence makes you better than the porn stars and the fashion models on the TV or in the magazines. You present the best self to people and they will be drawn to you. You will be desirable and you are worth every glance, every smile, every greeting you give. If you don't have fetish clothing, wear black or lingerie. If you are new and don't know how to do something, then ask someone. Get to know people.

And if you think you want to be a porn star or fashion model, then do it. Enjoy sex with your partner and try new things. Buy fancy clothes and wear them at home or out at events. Create the you that is a porn star in the bedroom and a fashion model in lifestyle public.  But remember, you don't have to change yourself to participate. Just be you. And, hell, have a good time doing it!