Dear lunaKM,

I'm a sub and out of the game because a year or so after my husband and I married, I developed Lupus and have dealt with chronic pain ever since, especially in my joints. I know the difference between good pain and bad pain, so is there a way we can restart our B-D relationship or would it be unwise to do so? If you think we can proceed with caution, do you know of any resources I can tap into? I know this is a very strange question... I just don't feel completely fulfilled without our old relationship. Thank you for your time and patience.

-- Sub in Chronic Pain

Dear Sub in Chronic Pain,

I'm glad you are taking steps to find out if it's safe for you to play with your illness, but the BDSM community and resources are not where you will get your best answers based on your particular situation. Your doctor is the person you need to talk to in order to get the best advice for your situation. I know it can be scary telling your doctor that you are kinky, but many won't even bat an eyelash at it. You may not even need to be specific about it.

"Doc, my husband and I like to get a bit more intense and kinky in the bedroom and I'd like to make sure my body can handle the added stress. Could you help advise me or direct me where I can get information?"

Sure they may ask you what sorts of activities you do and as long as you remain clinical instead of vulgar you'll come to realize that most, if not all, doctors have heard it before.

If you want to start your research, the site Positivity in Pain looks like it's pretty good. I can't say personally, but the few articles I read before I wrote this response were great. Here are a few articles that might help you prepare for your talk with your doctor.

Life as a Submissive with Chronic Pain

A few resources on kink and chronic pain

Once you learn what your body can do and how to use it safely you can begin to explore and try to play again. Good luck.


PS: Anyone else know of any resources for Sub in Chronic Pain?