If you ask someone what the foundation of any relationship is they are likely to say one of three things. They are likely to say communication, compromise, and trust. Today I’m going to talk about trust. The word is thrown around a lot but many submissives I talk to have issues with trust and how that works in a D/s relationship.
What is trust? As I like to always do, I’ll start with the dictionary definition:
reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
A D/s relationship with a basis of trust has a lot of responsibility in both parties to uphold that trust and to not belie it. Honesty is a form of trust and the most common violation of that trust that I have encountered in my time as a submissive and talking with others.
New relationships are hard to establish and adding D/s to the mix is just as difficult. While I strongly believe that all relationships should have trust, I know that vanilla relationships form more readily with guises of trust. It’s just not acceptable in a D/s relationship.
The confidence you feel in someone who is going to tie you up and give you pain and torture to derive pleasure should not waiver. Ever.
Imagine for a moment that you are at an old rickety looking carnival. The Ferris wheel is your favorite ride, but as you approach you notice a lot of shakiness, rusty bolts and poorly kept supports. The carny man assures you that everything is safe and sound but what do you think is nagging you in the back of your mind? Would you get on the Ferris wheel or would you turn around and try your hand at a giant stuffed elephant instead?
If I know you, and I think I do, you’d pick the elephant. You want to have no doubt that things will be safe and secure with the person you have chosen to be vulnerable with.
How many times have you thought, “Do I really trust him?” The things that make you question it will be what might be the downfall if you don’t find some reaffirmation that the instability is false.
How do you know you can trust them?
Actions speak louder than words. We all know that you can say whatever someone wants to hear but do their actions and behaviors back up what they’ve said or do they leave you questioning their intent? To know the real truth behind someone watch them for a few weeks and see if they have repetitive behaviors or actions that support what they’ve been saying to you. Are they consistent?
I know that there are life experiences that can compromise your trust and comfort in another person. Recovering that trust can be difficult if not impossible in many situations. I don’t suggest you accept someone who has broken your trust into your confidence again every single time.
All this about trust applies to Dominants too. They should be able to trust you just as much as you trust them. Keep yourself honest and forthcoming, build your confidence and reliability. Be an example of what trust means.
Thoughts to Ponder
- What’s the value of trust in your current relationship?
- Can you honestly say that you trust them?
- How long did it take to build that trust?