My husband and I have a great marriage but both of us recently opened up about our desires to explore D/s lifestyle. He wants me to be a more attentive partner, take care of His needs and explore my sexuality. I have been submissive to just about everyone my entire life, most of those situations were very unhealthy and have left me with heavy scars and a need to buck to authority. On the other hand I want very much to please my Husband and do what He asks of me, but I'm having difficulty with a defensive instinctual urge to put walls up. How can I get past the barrier of old scars to let my Husband who wants to become a dominant train me to be His submissive?

Dear Scars,

It can be so hard to get beyond your past and embrace your future. You say you have a great marriage so I 'm going to assume you trust your husband with things you likely didn't trust your past relationships with? Trust will be the basis for learning how to submit to your husband. If you've  not worked through your past with a therapist you might want to consider doing so to help your current relationship thrive and grow.

You need to become vulnerable again. Your husband has the relationship in mind and he likely isn't out to destroy what he has with you. So, those walls are hindering your being open and embracing the joy you could have. I know you've already figured this out or you wouldn't be contacting me asking for help. The problem I have is that I don't know you or your past baggage that has left the scars on your heart. The only thing I can think of is breaking down those scars so that you don't need armor. The only way I can suggest you do this is through therapy or a lot of personal introspection and healing.

Perhaps you'll get some insight in my video post about being vulnerable again.

Good luck. I really do hope you figure it out with professional help. --lunaKM