Hi! My boyfriend and I both want a BDSM relationship, but we both still have roommates. He's hesitant to continue the discussion on rules he would like for me to follow due to the fact that punishment for these rules would be hard due to lack of privacy. Any suggestions about discreet punishments?

Having a BDSM relationship with other people around is hard to do, that I can understand. Sometimes, novices just need a bit of broadening of ideas when you only hear of noisier punishment techniques. Things like spanking, flogging, caning and so on are definitely off the books if someone is around that isn't part of the dynamic. Punishment isn't something you should have to plan, but when you are tiptoeing around others, preparation and creative ideas are necessary.

The good news is that there is plenty you can do when it comes to discreet and quiet punishment for breaking rules. Just to be clear, I picked up from your short message that these corrections will be for misbehavior and not as a way to initiate play. So that's the direction this post goes. If you want discreet play ideas, head on over to the Chat Night Transcript from an online munch I held here on the site about BDSM with kids at home.

Now on to discreet disciplinary methods. Think back to how you may have been punished as a child. The most common action at my house was grounding. I got privileges taken away. I wasn't allowed to hang out with friends. I had to go to bed without dinner once or twice. These will still work for punishment now. Remember, the point is to have things that you would hate to receive as punishment but help you learn from your mistakes.

Grounding is things like:

• No TV use.
• No music.
• No going out to movies/concerts/dates/theater.
• No Internet use.
• No phone/texting use.
• No sweets.
• No pop.
• No friends.
• No playtime.
• No sex/orgasms.

Other ideas include writing lines, writing essays, standing in the corner (timeouts), mouth washing out with soap, and lectures. If physical punishment is what you need, silent tools like clamps work well. Again, you can refer to the ideas from the chat night to help you selecting quieter methods. Pick something that you wouldn't do for play so that the meaning doesn't get mixed and it should work well.

The point behind all of these is that they can be explained away if a roommate were to become curious. Tell them you are testing what it's like without "whatever you can't have" or that you aren't in the mood for distraction, sweets, pop, whatever. Other things can be done in the privacy of your own bedroom so there is no invasion of your dynamic there.  If you need to, come up with you own explanations for why you aren't participating.

Hopefully, this will help.