Service-oriented people come from all walks of life and have various skills and knowledge to make them the partners that many crave. When you are a service submissive, demonstrating that you have a few key skills mastered can help strengthen the service dynamic. Anyone can learn to be a good service submissive, even if you […]
The Key Traits of a Service Submissive – They Can Be Learned! Read More »
Let’s face it: there is nothing sexy about flying off the handle. As submissives, we are used to a certain degree of control in our lives. But how much of that is exerted over our emotions? Do we give ourselves credit for the amount of power we have to improve ourselves by exercising moderation in
Emotional Moderation in Submission: Choose Your Emotions Wisely Read More »
Rituals have always been an essential aspect of my daily life. In and outside of submission, ritual is how I interact with my reality. Practicing ritual is how I organize my time and make sense of complex abstract ideas (like love, devotion, and purpose). Yet, ritual itself is a complex abstract idea. Many people struggle to define it, and
The Concept of Ritual in D/s Relationships Read More »
If you’ve spent more than a few minutes researching BDSM, even just scrolling through Submissive Guide, you know that negotiation is one of the cornerstones. Negotiation and consent are the primary ways BDSM is distinguished from abuse – they are essential parts of kinky play. But far too many people gloss over how important it
The Importance of Safety, Risk-Awareness and Consent in Pre-Scene BDSM Negotiation Read More »
Do you have a good idea of what your submission looks like? Just about every single BDSM book, website, or experienced kinky person has defined submission at one time or another. The dictionary definition just doesn’t cover all the nuances that living in a submissive lifestyle can include. If you’re brand new to BDSM or
The Basic Tenets of Being a Submissive in a D/s Dynamic Read More »
In “ Morning and Nighttime Briefing: Rituals for Coping with Uncertainty,” we explored implementing briefing rituals as a way of coping with uncertainty in our lives. We also discussed constructing lists for flexibly outlining our days. We approached this to help erect some semblance of a schedule when outright scheduling is not possible. While that article is a
Building Better Briefing Lists for a More Productive Day in Uncertain Times Read More »
If I asked you right now to stop and say aloud all the things you wanted, what would you list? A new home, a new car, more money, set up your own business, a relationship or a new job? Sound familiar? It’s really easy to list off wants and desires. We often make plans to
Solo-Coaching: Identifying Unmet Needs and How to Reprioritize Them In Your Life Read More »
This is a guest post by Mistress Steel. It was part of her Steel’s Chamber Scrolls which is now defunct. Shared with Permission. Please keep in mind that this article is now over 15 years old and some of the language may show their age. I feel it still opens a line of communication of a
Disabled? Ideas on How You Can Still Enjoy BDSM When Impaired Read More »
The “perpetual student” mindset is one that instills the truth that there is always more to learn. It teaches us that we can still make improvements upon ourselves with the information we gather and the knowledge we gain and strive to integrate. It helps us keep open minds as we expand our understanding to be
3 Reasons a “Perpetual Student” Mindset Is Vital to Kink Read More »
Being a submissive in a D/s dynamic can give you many opportunities to explore new things. In my power exchange relationship, that new opportunity was non-sexual service. Our first few experiments were clumsy and crude. Still, we’ve grown to enjoy the moments of service that I provide. It’s changed and deepened our dynamic over time.
Non-sexual Service and How To Add It To Your Dynamic Read More »
We live in uncertain times—as submissives and as people—our lives are changing every day. Uncertainty is not automatically a problem in itself. However, many of us have become accustomed to a certain amount of structure and control in our lives, making it challenging to make an abrupt, constant change. This makes sense. After all, we
Morning and Nighttime Briefing: Rituals for Coping with Uncertainty Read More »
In part 2 of the Anticipatory Service series, “Making Mistakes in Anticipatory Service” I recommend finding one area of your dominant’s life to enhance with anticipatory service when just starting out with it in your dynamic. This rule of singular focus creates a smoother transition. In essence, anticipatory service is about being able to see
My First Anticipatory Service and 3 Lessons It Taught Me Read More »
When Chris M. Lyon, a relationship consultant, and D/s expert, approached me with news of a virtual course, “The Path of the Submissive Partner,” made specifically for the submissive partner, I was intrigued to know what she had created. I’ve talked about how impressed I was by her book, “ Leading and Supportive Love,” in a review
Review of The Path of the Submissive Partner Virtual Course Read More »
When I was younger, my parents frequented an establishment where everyone knew our family. My parents knew every person on staff by name, from the manager to the janitor. They always hugged the dining room manager, and the bartender was a trusted friend who had all of their favorite cocktails committed to memory. I wasn’t
Exploring Service Motivations: How a Mocktail Made Me Service-Oriented Read More »
In D/s, the roles we agree to can seem very cut and dry. It sometimes feels like there is a submissive mold and a dominant mold—almost like all s-types and D-types come from the same cookie-cutter and just bake differently. This is because we have pre-established notions that dictate to us what we feel is
3 Ways You Can Be Emotionally Supportive of Your Dominant Read More »
This is a guest post by Daniel A. of https://www.hypnoticdreams.com. Trance is a natural and essential part of sex. It always has been. The hypnosis fetish, however, is relatively new. And because of its newness, traditional submissives sometimes dismiss hypnosis as unnecessary or a cheat. But hypnofetishists have learned a lot about sex and relationships in the
What Traditional Submissives can Learn from Hypnosis Fetishists Read More »
Jealousy is an odd bird. It nests in the unlikeliest of places. It sings at the most inopportune times—and it doesn’t let anyone sleep. Whether you’re in a D/s dynamic that’s open to new play partners, or you’re in a polyamorous relationship, jealousy can be a challenge. If it’s causing snags in your relationships (and
5 Tips for Coping with Your Jealousy in a D/s Dynamic Read More »
Communication is not the sexiest word a submissive can utter, but it’s one of the most necessary. An issue I hear brought up quite commonly is that it just doesn’t “feel submissive” to be talking about needs with a dominant. Still, there comes a time in every relationship when it feels like the relationship is
6 Qualities of Mindful Submission When Communicating With Our Partners Read More »
When I first learned about BDSM, and then that I enjoyed pain play as a masochist, there was a moment when a Top that I had asked to play with asked me a very specific question, at least I thought it was specific at the time. “Stingy or thuddy?” Did I prefer, sting or thud
Be More Specific About Pain – When a Tool is More Than Sting or Thud Read More »
Last week, I was asked, “How do you find a balance?” about “M/s and life.” I couldn’t answer at first because I honestly didn’t know what to say. That question will always have such an individualized answer. What is right and balanced for me might be unfulfilling or overwhelming for another, so how could I
Finding Balance in Your D/s Dynamic (and Your Life!) Read More »
