This is a guest post by fuzzyP for the Day in the Life Series.
I was asked by luna to write about one of my typical days in service to my Dominant. While that task is straightforward enough, the challenge lies in making one of my typical days entertaining and illuminating for you, the reader. For those of you already in the lifestyle, I don’t doubt that you’ll find much of this quite familiar. For those just starting out, perhaps it will serve as a peek into what lies ahead and possibly even address some common misconceptions. For, as many of you already know, submission and service isn’t always latex and leather, whips and paddles, ropes and chains.
Naturally, there’s no such thing as a “typical” submissive (and I’m using that as a catch-all term) – the way I do it is likely to be very different from the way you do it, and neither is necessarily “right” or “true”. The only people for whom my submission is “right” are me and my Dominant.
I’ll tell you a little about myself. I came to submission later in life than many – I was 40. I’m not a 24/7 submissive. As appealing as that idea is, the reality is that family and work obligations take the bulk of my time, and I, therefore, have the privilege of serving about twice a week – sometimes for just a few hours, sometimes for an entire day. My Dominant, who I’ll refer to as Goddess from here out, is a professional and lifestyle Domme (indeed, I first came to know Goddess in that professional capacity – but my, how things have changed), so many of my duties revolve around facilitating her work as well as making her day-to-day life as uncomplicated as possible. Obviously, two visits a week is not going to be enough time to do everything that needs to be done. Fortunately, I’m not the only person happy to provide service to Goddess, but this doesn’t stop me from wishing there was more I could do. There’s a good chance that you feel (or will feel) the same way – it’s hard to accept that there are only so many hours in a day, and only so much one person can accomplish. I try (emphasize “try”, as I don’t always succeed) not to dwell on what can’t be done, but instead, focus on doing what I can to the very best of my ability.
A typical day of service to Goddess begins at home. Although I keep a stash of my cleaning supplies at her place if any special tools or supplies are needed for that day I have to be sure to take them along. I’m also required to prepare myself in certain ways (certain grooming and clothing requirements that Goddess has set for me). These pre-departure routines serve a practical purpose above and beyond the obvious kink value. These little preparations serve to get me in the right frame of mind. They help remind me of my role and my place and are the first steps in leaving the rest of the world behind.
As a general rule, I find my submission to be a refuge from the insanity of the rest of the world – I need only focus on one thing: serving Goddess and seeing to her needs. We all know it doesn’t always work like that, though. Sometimes the world gets in the way and stress interferes with getting in the proper mindset. It’s certainly happened to me. As unavoidable as it sometimes is, I don’t like bringing my problems along when I go to serve Goddess (although she’s been very generous and understanding on those occasions), so I rely heavily on these rituals and routines.
We have a ritual greeting when I arrive (a brief bit of foot worship) which further solidifies my mood. At this point, Goddess will generally issue any special instructions she might have for me. If there are specific projects that require my attention, I’ll address these first.
Once my assignments for the day are taken care of, there’s a fairly extensive list of chores that need to be done on a regular basis. There are two play spaces that need to be kept clean and ready for use, including all the equipment; the bathroom, kitchen and other rooms require all the usual attention; dishes need to be done; kitty boxes need to be scooped; the lawn needs to be mowed. Obviously, this is a partial list.
I’ll let you in on a little secret: I’m not actually a big fan of doing dishes and cleaning bathroom fixtures. (OK, that’s admittedly a very little secret – I don’t know too many people who are fans of doing laundry or mopping floors.) I’m sure not too eager to spend a lot of time doing it at my own place (although it still tends to get done), so why am I so keen on doing it for Goddess? The skeptic would no-doubt point out that I get something from Goddess in exchange for my work. Although technically correct, she does reward my hard work, it’s not a quid pro quo sort of relationship. I derive great satisfaction from knowing I’m making her happy and making her life a little easier. So I end up actually enjoying doing work I might otherwise avoid.
Many days involve running various errands – trips to the grocery, home supply store or garden center. Often I’m asked to prepare or pick up a meal (I rather enjoy the occasions I get to cook for her). Goddess has several fish tanks, and care of these often show up on the “to do” list (always under her supervision, as I’m only just learning this particular skill set).
When I look back at when I first started doing this sort of work for Goddess, I hate to think of how tedious and annoying it must have been for her. “Where do you keep the detergent, Goddess?” “What shall I do next, Goddess?” “Tucked or untucked, ma’am?” “Should the bathroom tissue come over the top or underneath?” OK, I’m kidding on that last one, but you take my point.
Now we’ve reached a point where things are much more automatic, and the work gets done with little need for me to disturb Goddess (much, I’m sure, to her relief). Every once in a while I get some feedback as to how things might be done better or to her greater satisfaction, and this is incorporated into my routine. One minor example: it got back to me indirectly that the bookshelves were not being dusted often enough, so now I make a point of doing that at most every visit. I also try to keep my eyes open for opportunities to improve the work I’m doing – areas of the house that I’ve perhaps neglected previously. For example, I’ve found that the dust and cat hair tends to accumulate in certain areas (under particular pieces of furniture where the cats like to hang out), so I make a point of sweeping out those spots with a bit more regularity. Making a regular effort to get those spots as well as other typical “dust accumulators” (like ceiling fan blades) seems to have helped cut down on the overall dust in the house.
Over time we’ve gotten to know each other well. I’ve learned her expectations, and she’s learned my capabilities. Goddess, as you might assume, is very particular about the care of the equipment she uses. Based on her example, I’ve been able to demonstrate a level of care at least on par with her own, so she can reach for any needed item and feel confident that it has been cleaned (sterilized if needed) and maintained to her satisfaction. When an item is found in need of repair or greater-than-usual maintenance, I can undertake that work knowing what is expected, without necessarily having to bother her with the matter.
On the other hand, as I mentioned before, Goddess adores her fish and feels similarly about her garden. Although I’ll happily perform any requested task involving these areas, I’d never presumed to do any more than the most basic maintenance without clearing it with her first. Learning that boundary between what I can do of my own volition and what I dare not do without permission (and this clearly extends beyond just the service aspects of my submission) has been an occasional stumbling block, but ultimately has helped keep things running smoothly.
Once the work for the day is done, and if time permits, I may have the opportunity to spend a little “quality time” with Goddess. This may take the form of a conversation with her, watching a little television or just kneeling nearby as she reads her e-mails. She’ll occasionally reach out and scratch my head, or I might rest my head in her lap. I consider a little bit of this sort of closeness and affection to be more than ample reward for what I hope was a productive day. I’ll kiss her feet once more when it’s finally time to head home, which is a relatively new addition to our routines, and one I like very much.
Although this is a fairly typical “service” day, special occasions do also occur. For example, it’s not too unusual for me to accompany Goddess to a social function of some sort, where play may or may not be involved. I’ll usually come over early those days in an effort to get the necessary work done before departing for the event. Part of my work, in that case, will include packing up the needed items (equipment) for that evening. This serves to give me a preview of what might be in store later – and believe me when I say it’s sometimes better to be in the dark. If Goddess is actually hosting an event at her place, the house gets a particularly aggressive cleaning – fortunately several people pitch in on these occasions so many hands make light work (as the saying goes).
Although everyone’s experience will be different, I suspect that there are several aspects of my typical day that many will find familiar. I happen to derive great satisfaction from a job well-done and the knowledge that I’ve provided (hopefully better than adequate) service to my Dominant. In my case, I’m not required to work nude, or wear a frilly maid’s uniform (although I’ve been required to do that on other occasions), or work in cuffs and chains. Naturally, I would if asked (told) to, and although any of those things might be fun for a lark on occasion, I can’t help but think it would at best be a distraction and at worst a hindrance that affected my efficiency. (I have had to be a maid at various parties, and I can tell you that from a concentration standpoint, it’s one of the hardest things that’s ever been required of me. Remembering to maintain the maid persona while still seeing to the needs of Goddess and her guests is more daunting than I would have ever thought.)
I hope the readers found this account to be at least somewhat interesting or illuminating. Obviously, it’s a subject near and dear to me. I’d certainly be interested to hear what your typical day of service is like – how it’s similar or dissimilar to mine. Please feel free to leave any comments or ask any questions.
fuzzyP a relative newcomer to active participation in the D/s lifestyle, and has been in service since January 2010. Like most things he does, he’s really thrown myself into it, including a great deal of reading and research that predates his entry into the lifestyle. fuzzyP doesn’t claim to be an expert on anything, and it is his goal to stimulate some thought, discussion or debate. You can contact fuzzyP through the Submissive Guide Community or email him at firstname.lastname@example.org