The Ready-Made Submissive. This is a phenomenon that I am seeing pop up around the BDSM community. Why is this becoming prevalent? What exactly is a ready-made submissive? How can we, as a submissive, not fall into the pitfall of this? This is what I am going to talk about, and, hopefully, help you to understand.

Perhaps we should first start with defining just what a submissive is? A submissive, according to Webster’s Dictionary, is yielding, obedient, compliant, humble, and modest. I am sure these are all things that you have thought and seen in your own submissiveness. If you have not, then, perhaps it is time. None of those words mean doormat though.

What exactly is a ready-made submissive?

  • It is a submissive that often will not question his or her Dominant. There is always a way to question one’s Dominant.
  • It is a submissive that fits into a preconceived notion that they will blindly follow all instructions without hesitation or thought.
  • It is a submissive who has little to no regard for their personal safety when it comes to their own physical, mental, and emotional health.
  • It is a submissive who quite often do not grow in the relationship and is so compliant that they fail to realize the harm being done to them.
  • It is a submissive who generally looks to their Dominant to be the end all of information. It is perfectly okay for a submissive to seek out answers to questions from others – be it another submissive, Dominant, or even the internet.
  • It is a submissive who is almost robotic in their mannerisms and behaviors. They think they have to fit into a certain mold.

What are some of the pitfalls of being a ready-made submissive?

  • The submissive fails to grow and mature, and not just in the relationship.
  • They are often harmed physically, emotionally and mentally by their Dominant partner that can leave scars. These scars may not always ones that can be seen, but they are there.
  • Too more often than not the cycle keeps repeating from one Dominant to the next.
  • The submissive stagnates and begins to feel and/or think that something is wrong with them when that really isn't the case.
  • No true relationship can exist without some give and take. We have to remember that as a submissive we give the Dominant boundaries to work within.

It is perfectly okay as a submissive to think for oneself. To think means to be alive. No true Dominant wants a mindless robot. Think about it for a moment. Really think. Can you look yourself in the mirror and like what you see reflecting back at you? If you can’t then it is time to take a long look at the thing. A good D/s relationship should be based upon mutual respect. No true Dominant would want a submissive that wasn't deserving of respect.

What sort of Dominant would want a ready-made submissive?

  • They are often looking for a submissive who doesn't really know how to define and discuss the boundaries they want to establish within the relationship.
  • They are often complacent. They are unwilling to change anything about their preconceived notions about what a submissive should act like or be.
  • They tend to set off one or more of your mental red flags. Listen carefully to this. Should you really put trust in someone that normally you would not?
  • More often than not they want something from you that under other circumstance you wouldn't give. This could be pictures.
  • They are often not very well educated in the lifestyle and hide behind smoke and mirrors to bluff their way through your questions if they will even answer any at all.
  • Many times they will have a dozen excuses for how things are, and will not bend to change under any circumstances.
  • They tend to rush through the getting to know you phase of the process.

In the fast pace of today’s world, it is easy to lose sight of what we, as a submissive, want and need in a relationship. Slow down. Take your time. This isn't a race to the finish. Consider the commitment that you are making or are trying to make. Keep in mind all of the things you hope to have in the relationship, but remember that there is some bargaining to be done.

I believe it is becoming prevalent because of the fast pace of today’s life. It is a jungle out there, and as a submissive, we have to be on guard for the wolf in sheep’s clothing. Never let anyone make you feel like there is something wrong with you just because you are not willing to bend on the things that matter the most to you on your personal journey. Compromise is a wonderful thing, but there are some things that we do need to be steadfast about.