Sometimes it happens that there is more than one D/s or M/s family under one roof. Many wonder how this could work out. Sometimes this happens for financial reasons; while for others it happens simply because it can work and be fun.
If your family is planning on moving in with another lifestyle family there are some very important things that you will need to think about.
Communication and Household meetings:
With any relationship, communication is most important in order to run smoothly. One of the things you can do is plan a monthly meeting with the household to go over how things are going, make suggestions, voice concerns ( Not complaints, it is not a bitch session.) Switch around chores every couple months so that people are not doing the same things all the time and so on. Also, if it becomes a problem of people not having consideration and speaking over one another, choose an item that can be used as a talking stick. This may seem childish, but until the habit is made that people have consideration for each other, it may be needed and is universally understood.
Friends and Contracts:
Regardless of how close you are, it is very important to always protect yourself and write out a rental agreement. This can be very basic or very detailed. Make sure to include pets in your agreements.
To Serve or Not to Serve:
When it comes to the lifestyle, there is always a hierarchy. This can be confusing when you combine more than one D/s or M/s dynamic under one roof especially when it comes to service. It should be discussed what the protocols are when people are absent within the hierarchy. What are levels of service or Dominance those involved permitted to offer or demand? Is this only with domestic service or are there further permissions? Who do the submissives go to if there is no Dominant available? Do not leave anything out.
Is there an Alpha submissive that is in charge of the other submissives and house management? If not, it may be something to consider.
Pets:
Some people have multiple pets, and it is very important that when combining living conditions that the pets are in consideration too. Not all animals get a long, and it can take time for animals to adapt to a new environment. Some even become sick due to the stress of moving. Making sure that all animals are up to date on their shots as this will help to decrease the chance of illness.
When it comes to cat litter or picking up dog poop, if both parties have animals, put this chore on the chore list and switch off, same for buying cat litter if there is a shared litter box. For more than 2 cats, this should be done daily.
Care of Children:
This is sometimes a touchy subject, but it does need to be addressed from the very start. In a communal setting, all of the adults generally pitch in to care for the kids. If this is not how you wish for your children to be cared for then make sure all of the other adults understand this. This can be a double edged sword too as even when parents feel this way, there is often still assumption that because other adults are present in the home that they are live-in babysitters. Ask, don’t assume.
Household Chores:
It is important to have the weekly household chores mapped out so that there is no confusion of what people are responsible for. This also takes away the tension between household members. There are many different types of chore charts available on the internet. Here is one: http://organizedhome.com/sites/default/files/printable/notebook_calendar_checklist_weekly.pdf
Finances:
More often than not, conflicts with finances cause strife to the point that friendships are broken. Make sure that all of the bills are separated out according to your agreement before you even moved in. If anything changes, communicate this with those who are the head of the households immediately so that alternative plans can be made. If possible, get an estimate of what all the bills will be each month and create an envelope for each bill. This is a budget worksheet, but can also be used for tracking your monthly expenses too:
Food Supply and Meal Planning:
Will you be dining together or separately? Either way, having a weekly menu planned out, and assigning different nights for people to cook therefore sharing the responsibility does many things; it allows for creativity in the kitchen. Encourage new recipes to be introduced into the monthly agenda. It makes sure that one person doesn’t get burned out on making meals which can cause resentment. Plus is just fun. Here is a weekly meal planner: http://organizedhome.com/sites/default/files/printable/notebook_food_menu_planner_weekly.pdf Here is the monthly meal planner: http://organizedhome.com/sites/default/files/printable/notebook_food_menu_planner_monthly.pdf
Once you decide upon this, there are other things to decide upon such as if your food will be separate, where will the food be stored? If shared, are there certain types of foods or snacks that are not to be shared? If so, will they be kept in your private quarters, or will you put your name on them etc?
A shopping list is also very important to have. For items which are most commonly used, the best plan is to buy at least two in order to always have one in stock, then once one of the two is gone; put that item on the list immediately. Here is a great shopping list you can use. http://organizedhome.com/sites/default/files/printable/notebook_food_shopping_list.pdf
Playing in front of others:
Unlike dungeons, you can’t always avoid or walk away from a scene, especially when it is in your living space. What can you do is communicate with the other members of the household to find out if there is an interest of having scenes out in the common areas and if there is, what kind of scenes? Is it something that could trigger another part of the household? If it is, perhaps work to create a time in which those members of the household are not present, instead of forcing them to deal with the trigger. Offer up suggestions on how to resolve the issue; don’t just spring it on each other as that could be detrimental.
Fetish toys and furniture:
If you have a toy bag that is not kept in your private space, don’t assume that others won’t be tempted to use your toys. Make it clear ahead of time whether or not you have given them permission to use your toys and be clear about the use of your toys. There may be something special that you don’t want anyone else to use and vice versa.
This is the same with furniture. Get permission ahead of time and ask about rules concerning the furniture like how to clean them. The best rule to go by is that if it is not yours, don’t touch it, this also is true with other submissives.
Cleanliness of the Home and Fetish Furniture:
Being that there are many different types of fluids that are involved in play, being proactive and talking about the possibility of things such as semen, blood, saliva, urine, and scat is extremely important for safety reasons and simply gross factor. Different surfaces require different types of cleaners. Here is some natural recipes that can be used to clean up biological fluids.
Use of Vinegar and Baking soda:
Mix in a sprayer bottle:
- 1 cup white vinegar
- 1 cup water
This can be used for minor surface cleaning.
Undiluted white vinegar--straight from the jug--makes quick work of tougher cleaning.
Baking soda's mild abrasive action and natural deodorizing properties make it a powerful replacement for harsh commercial scouring powders. Sprinkle baking soda onto a damp sponge then scrub.
Use of Rubbing Alcohol, Ammonia, and more:
Homemade Glass Cleaner Recipe
Mix in a sprayer bottle:
- 1 cup rubbing (isopropyl) alcohol
- 1 cup water
- 1 tablespoon white vinegar
Strong Glass Cleaner Recipe
Mix in a sprayer bottle:
- 1 cup rubbing (isopropyl) alcohol
- 1 cup water
- 1 tablespoon clear, non-sudsing ammonia
Strong All-Purpose Cleaner Recipe
Mix in a sprayer bottle:
- 1 T clear, non-sudsing ammonia
- 1 T clear laundry detergent
- 2 cups water
Furniture Polish Recipe
Mix in a sprayer bottle:
- 1 cup olive oil
- 1/2 cup lemon juice
Shake well and apply a small amount to a flannel cleaning rag or cleaning cloth. Spread evenly over furniture surface. Turn cloth to a dry side and polish dry.
There are many different types of natural recipes out there. These are just a few that I have personally tried and found useful.
In closing, these things listed are ideas of where to start coming from our household’s own experiences. It is not legal advice by any means and should not be used as such. Beyond that, happy housing.
