Full Question: How do you feel about self-collaring? Answer: I don’t think my personal opinion about self-collaring is necessary, but I would like to talk about what it is and why it can create conflict within the community (and it shouldn’t). A BDSM collar can have different meanings. It can show ownership, devotion, or submission. […]
What is self-collaring? Read More »
Full Question: I’ve recently given myself to my first dom. It’s an online LDR, but I feel deeply connected to him. we’ve only been talking for about a month, but I have very strong feelings toward him. I’m not sure how deeply he feels for me. Should I separate myself from these feelings or embrace
I have strong feelings for my new Dom, should I keep them secret? Read More »
Full Question: How do I feel connected with my Dominant the weeks we don’t see each other? Answer: It’s never easy to face being alone when you’d rather be spending time with your Dominant partner. Working on hobbies, hanging out with friends, and interacting with the BDSM community are great for distracting you and making
How do I feel connected with my Dominant the weeks we don’t see each other? Read More »
Full Question: Do you believe a submissive also has to be a slave? Answer: At Submissive Guide, we focus on submission. We use specific definitions to describe the words “submissive,” and “slave.” They are: submissive – A person who agrees to submit or give up control in a relationship, scene, or activity. slave – A
Does a submissive also have to be a slave? Read More »
Full Question: When talking to a new potential Dom, I find he will write sporadically. There are often days or over a week until he responds to my messages. How much should I expect when getting to know someone? I like to really get to know someone before I commit/ play, and I find that
How much communication should I expect? Read More »
Full Question: How do I find a partner who is interested in kink and/or D/s? Answer: This is the most asked question in the Ask Submissive Guide column, so here’s your answer! The first step in finding a partner is going where they are. The good news is that kinksters are everywhere. Unfortunately, we don’t
How do I find a partner? Read More »
Full Question: How can I explain to my wife that while I enjoy being spanked and flogged, it doesn’t mean pain play is my only source of pleasure or intimacy? Answer: Your communication with your wife should be open and honest, even about things in the bedroom. It can be difficult for people to talk
How can I explain to my partner that pain play isn’t my only desired source of pleasure? Read More »
Full Question: What do you do if your sex drive is much higher than your Dom’s, and you aren’t interested in poly? Answer: People’s sex drives tend to wax and wane. Many factors can affect sex drive, from medical conditions and medicines to stress, self-esteem, and depression. Then, issues within the relationship can cause the
What do you do if your sex drive doesn’t match your partner? Read More »
Full Question: Do you think that pre-play negotiation is important when you’ve been together for months? Answer: Yes and no. We’ve discussed pre-scene negotiation here before, but a brief refresher is always nice. Pre-scene negotiation is the conversation between play partners to discuss what you agree to do during play, what safety and safewords you
Is pre-play negotiation important in long-term relationships? Read More »
Full Question: I want to be involved in the kink community near me, but I fear for my teaching profession. Any advice? Answer: That’s a very valid concern, and being cautious is the name of the game. If you attend local events within your school district or even the city, there is always a possibility
Want to be involved in the kink community, but it could jeopardize my career, help? Read More »
Full Question: Do subs always have to be bottoms? Answer: No. It’s a topic based on definitions and identity. A bottom is a receiver in BDSM play. A submissive is the follower half of a D/s relationship. Even the definitions are not synonyms. And they shouldn’t be! It is very common that people who are
Do subs always have to be bottoms? Read More »
Full Question: How do you tell your Dominant he is wrong and still be respectful? Would you go ahead and do the punishment for something you do not feel you deserve… just because he is your Dom and his word goes? Answer: The question here really isn’t about how to tell your Dominant they are
Full Question: Can you talk about chemical play, please? Answer: Chemical play is a form of sensation play involving irritants to create sensations during or after play. These substances usually come in the form of liquids, gels, oils, or creams. When they put them on sensitive parts like private areas, nipples, or the butt, it
What is Chemical Play? Read More »
Submission is more than permission—it’s an active role in D/s relationships. Learn how to make yourself available to your Dominant and foster a deeper, more open power exchange.
Active Submission – Make Yourself Available to Your Dominant Read More »
My first experience of being kinky was in the bedroom when I asked my partner to tie me up and have his way with me. At the moment he emphatically said yes, I was hooked. Like me, you may find that exploring sexual submissiveness is a fun, exciting way to bring an element of power
A Beginner’s Guide to Sexual Power Exchange Read More »
Full Question: When do you start discussing safe words? Answer: The short answer is you start discussing safe words when you begin negotiating playing with someone. I’d even consider having one for sex. It’s just a good idea all around to have a way to tell your partner you need to stop when saying “stop”
When do you start discussing safe words? Read More »
Want to spice up your kinky playtime? Learn how to use erotic begging to intensify your scenes, add elements of humiliation, and enhance your BDSM dynamics with your partner.
How to Use Erotic Begging to Intensify Your Kinky Playtime Read More »
Full Question: Thoughts on lending out a sub? Feels unethical to me. Answer: My personal thoughts on sub-lending are not important to this question, but it did bring a few thoughts to mind that I wanted to cover. The line we often don’t like to cross, which is frowned upon in mainstream culture, is the
What are your thoughts on lending out a sub? Read More »
Full Question: If your Dom forgets to do things we have agreed on beforehand, how do you remind them without feeling like you are directing the scene and therefore feeling less submissive? Answer: I understand that when you have to raise a concern during play it could leave you feeling less submissive, but there is
How do you remind your Dom of things they agreed to while remaining submissive? Read More »
Full Question: What does the bottom/sub need to learn about bondage? Answer: I will expand on this question and give you a few tips on what a bottom needs to know about any form of BDSM play, including bondage. It’s often hinted that the submissive doesn’t need to learn how to throw a flogger or
What does a bottom need to know about BDSM play? Read More »
