Full Question: My boyfriend and I are just starting to change our relationship to a total D/s one. We’ve been dating for 2 years and have no models for the change. What can we do to make the transition smooth and pain-free?
Answer:
What an exciting adventure you are embarking on!
While any relationship transition is unlikely to be completely smooth, you can do a few things to help make things easier as you adjust and grow into your new roles.
First, you will likely be talking intimately about more than you ever thought you would. Open communication is the cornerstone of healthy D/s relationships, and being able to talk effectively and honestly about what is and isn’t working, your hopes, dreams, needs and desires, and everything in between. Checking in frequently allows you both to enthusiastically consent to every step in the process and to work out any hiccups before they become problems.
Next, look for education. I know it’s an exciting time, and there are new things to explore together, but allow yourself the time to learn what you want to try. There are online resources, hundreds of books, podcasts, and forums you can get the information you need to make solid choices. And if you want to venture out and meet people, there are often BDSM munch groups and workshops in every large city you can get to know.
Transitioning to a power exchange dynamic can be overwhelming, so starting slowly and gradually increasing intensity is important as you and your partner become more comfortable. Pick one or two things that you would like to try for a period of time, check in with each other to see how that change works for you, and then adjust accordingly. It’s about the journey, not the destination.
Good luck.
