Full Question: When do you start discussing safe words?
Answer:
The short answer is you start discussing safe words when you begin negotiating playing with someone. I’d even consider having one for sex. It’s just a good idea all around to have a way to tell your partner you need to stop when saying “stop” might be a part of the scene.
What is a safeword?
A safe word is a word or signal that ends BDSM play instantly. It is a simple word or phrase that requires very little thought process to utter as a sign of distress or caution. It can be any word that isn’t a part of common play speech, so selecting ‘Stop,’ is usually discouraged as people tend to use stop playfully, and the confusion could cause unneeded halting of a perfectly good scene.
The most common safeword is the Stoplight system. ‘Red’ means stop, ‘Yellow’ means slow down or a physical discomfort alarm, and ‘Green’ means all is a go. Other safewords I have seen used are your full name, random words like ‘bananas,’ dropping keys, and a subtle hand system that may not work in low-lit situations.
Negotiating a scene
When playing with someone you don’t know or are only casually seeing, it is important to negotiate the scene every single time and ensure the safeword is known for both parties. This will prevent severe misunderstandings later on. Part of negotiation should always be about safety, from physical limitations, triggers, and hard limits. If your play is at a public location, make sure that if there is a space-wide safeword, you know what it is.
You have a safeword for a reason. You never know what may happen, how you will react, or where your limits are that day. Using that safeword can protect you.
