I'm a new sub that has recently decided to start working towards a 24/7 relationship with my boyfriend.  There's something that has had me slightly concerned as I've learned more and more about this new step in our relationship.  For the first time, I'm finding out about subspace.  As someone who is recovering from an abusive relationship that ended in rape, I sometimes slip into a dissociative state when overwhelmed.  Coming from that background and reading about subspace, I imagine that I would have difficulty in distinguishing between subspace, which seems like a good state, and dissociating, a bad one.  I realize that it has been said many times that the experience is different for everyone and, as such, may not involve those types of sensations at all, but do you have any advice or insight you can share about this?



My first question is, does your boyfriend know about the previous relationship? This communication has to be first and foremost as it will allow you two to communicate about triggers that you may have.

Having been in a rape and molestation situation in my own past I can definitely relate to the dissociation. My recommendation would be to have your boyfriend, or any Top that you may work with help to keep you grounded until you know the different feelings between the two. All that would need to be done is to check in with you more often, make sure that you are in a good place. It is one thing to feel floaty, but to become mentally not there can become not only damaging emotionally but can become damaging physically since in that state, you can't tell your partner to stop because your rational side is just not functioning.

I do hope that you are getting counseling, and want you to know that you are never alone. I hope this helped.



lunaKM Added: An excellent essay that I was linked to the other day might help a bit with your healing:  BDSM and Healing For Survivors of Sexual Assault