Question: Why is it called serving a Dominant? I don’t like that kind of phrasing and insinuation that I am somehow below the Dominant. Answer: It’s completely understandable that the word “serve” can rub you the wrong way. In everyday life, “service” often gets tangled up with ideas of being lesser, having lower status, or […]
Ask Subguide – Why is it called serving a Dominant? Read More »
Rules in a D/s relationship can be more than boundaries—they can be powerful tools for connection, growth, and maintaining the submissive mindset. In this article, I share how rules shape my submission, the emotional value they hold, and practical strategies any submissive can use to follow them with consistency and purpose.
How Rules In a D/s Relationship Can Have a Positive Effect on Your Submission Read More »
How long should you chat with a Dom online before meeting? A week is a fair start, but don’t stay stuck in endless texting. Learn when it’s time to suggest a coffee date, what their response can reveal, and how to spot if they’re serious—or just stringing you along.
How long should I talk with a Dom online before a face to face date? Read More »
Question: How would you express changes in your feelings over poly to your Master, when the second sub he is considering you do not like her, without losing your relationship with him? Answer: When we’re in a power exchange relationship, especially a poly one, expressing hard feelings can feel like walking a tightrope. What if
This may be easier than you think, dear s-type! It is important to remember that finding the right Dominant or Top through dating or shopping around can sometimes feel challenging. I liken the vanilla dating pool to a bowl of cereal. Lots of individual options floating around. Now take a spoonful out and in there-
I want to be sexually submissive, but equal in day-to-day life. How to find a partner? Read More »
Question: I am just starting out on my sub journey. I know very little. That being said, I have learnt loads in the last few weeks. I have met a Dom, and we’ve been chatting, etc., and he’s been amazing answering all my questions. He is a sadist. We’ve just touched on punishment and he
What should I be thinking about when learning about punishment? Read More »
Yes—absolutely, 100%, without a doubt—you need boundaries. With your Dominant. With your friends. With everyone you have a relationship with. A common misconception in BDSM is that safewords replace the need for boundaries. But the truth is, boundaries and safewords serve very different purposes, and both are necessary. Boundaries are personal. They’re your internal compass—what
Should you have boundaries with your Dominant, besides safe words? Read More »
I think it is important to break this down into each side of the slash, so here are the general descriptions for some of the more common s-types. (Disclaimer: there is no one right answer/definition, this is based on generalized experience; labels should always be the START of a discussion, not the end of one.
What are the different types of submissives? Read More »
Question: My husband and I are in a D/s relationship. However, I’m the one who runs the house, takes care of the kids, and is always the one “in charge.” How can he and I maintain our dynamic? How do I stay in touch with my submissive side? Answer: Being the one who manages the
How Can I Stay Submissive While Running the Home? Read More »
It is really easy to understand managing vanilla relationships around others (including kids living at home). It boils down to understanding one crucial concept: discretion. Discretion: the quality of behaving or speaking in a way to avoid causing offence or (IMPORTANTLY) revealing confidential information. We can mostly agree that kissing your spouse “bye” in front
Any tips for D/s dynamic with kids at home? Read More »
Question: Is there ever a time when it’s ok to tell your Dominant no when he tells you to do something? Answer: Absolutely. While submission involves obedience and trust, it doesn’t mean blind compliance. There are several situations where saying “no” is not only acceptable but necessary: A healthy D/s dynamic is built on mutual
Is it ever okay to say no to your Dominant? Read More »
Full Question: Can two BDSM submissives have a regular vanilla relationship? What happens as the couple grows closer, and one person wants the other to change to a Top/Dom? Answer: Let’s start by saying there is no “normal relationship.” Can two submissives have a successful vanilla relationship together? The answer is “yes, two people can
Can Two Submissives Have a Relationship? Read More »
Full Question: I want to be submissive sexually but equal in day-to-day life. How to find a partner? Answer: The term you’re likely going to be using more readily while you search for a partner is “bedroom-only” submissive. And your partner would then be a “bedroom-only” Dominant. This type of relationship is more common than
How do I find a bedroom-only Dominant? Read More »
Full Question: Do you have any advice for someone already in a committed relationship (marriage, for example) who discovers that she is submissive or at least has submissive tendencies? Until this discovery, the sex was mostly vanilla with very light choking play occasionally (so my partner MIGHT have some interest). Answer: I have lived this
Advice for Newly Discovered Submission in a Committed Relationship Read More »
Full Question: I like to be a brat sometimes. Is that a turn-off for the Doms in general? A lot of them don’t like brats. Answer: Being a brat in the BDSM community is a unique and valid role within the spectrum of submission. It’s not a turn-off for all Dominants; in fact, many Doms
Is being a brat a turn off for Dominants? Read More »
Full Question: In a polyamorous D/s dynamic, can play partners be a primary partner? Or should it be someone who is serving the Dominant? Answer: In a polyamorous D/s dynamic, the roles and relationships can be quite fluid and are often defined by the individuals involved based on their needs, desires, and agreements. Play partners
What role is a primary partner in poly D/s? Read More »
Full Question: Do the Dominant’s desires and satisfaction come first? Are their needs and desires the main goal of submission? Answer: I can really relate to this question. When I first started exploring submission, I believed that it was my duty/calling/job to make sure my Dominant’s needs and desires were always fulfilled, often to the
Do the Dominant’s desires and satisfaction come first? Read More »
Full Question: How do you handle a 24/7 D/s relationship breakup? Answer: A breakup is hard, no matter what kind of relationship you were in. You’ve invested time and emotions to build what you hoped would be a lasting relationship, only for it to end. The end of a D/s relationship comes with all the
How do you handle a 24/7 D/s relationship breakup? Read More »
Full Question: What advice do you have for subs who are more experienced than their counterparts? How can you, as a follower, help them lead without doing the leading? Answer: What an exciting experience! It’s common for one partner to have more experience than the other. There are a few things you can do to
As a follower, how can you help your partner lead without doing the leading? Read More »
Full Question: Can you talk about the difference between a unicorn and being a partner in a throuple where 2 partners are married? Oh, and while I am at it, tips for successful throuples! Relationship Agreements, communication, etc Answer: What a great question! Unicorn polyamory is the term for when two people who are in
What’s the difference between unicorn polyamory and a being in a throuple? Read More »
