Full Question: What advice do you have for subs who are more experienced than their counterparts? How can you, as a follower, help them lead without doing the leading?
Answer:
What an exciting experience! It’s common for one partner to have more experience than the other. There are a few things you can do to help them learn more about their role without taking control. Let’s talk about it.
Have lots of conversations. It may go without saying, but talking about your mutual interest in D/s and kink is going to help your partner develop their own thoughts and expand their knowledge base so that they can ask further questions. Confidence comes from becoming comfortable with what you know, and there’s nothing stronger than having conversations with your partner where you feel you have a solid grasp of the concepts being discussed.
Share your resources. You were new once, too, so share what resources helped you build your understanding of BDSM. These could be websites, books, podcasts, videos, or face-to-face groups. Encourage them to consume the information, talk about it, or read them together as a kinky book club.
Hands-on practice sessions. Sometimes, the things we want to learn require us to practice by doing. During sessions where you teach your Dominant partner, provide lots of feedback and understand that you will demonstrate or show them before they take the reigns. It’s not leading them through it. It’s giving them practical experience so that as they gain that confidence I mentioned above, their natural leadership will come out too.
Attend local community munch events. Socializing with others in the lifestyle is a great way for a newer partner to have more avenues to learn from, including other Dominants. If you can’t find local communities, there are many online communities you could engage in. FetLife.com is great for looking for local or online events, friendship, and camaraderie.
